What It means to Bring Beauty into the World...

To me bringing beauty into the world means bringing those things which help us all touch the sacred... Bringing things that help us feel connected to our souls, and thus to each other...

Beauty can be found in so many places... From celebrating each other... To inspiring each other and uplifting each other... Or even feeling sorrow with our fellow beings... Those things that increase our overall sense of connectedness... to something more... to something that's of ourselves and not of ourselves...  To me that is what bringing beauty into the world is...

Heaven Happens on Earth

Heaven makes its presence known to us in the sacred acts, the sacred moments we engage in. When we finally surrender to love, kindness, consideration, joy, and celebration for each other... When we allow some of our more self protective, selfish ways to finally fade off... The sacred is given room to enter into us, allowing Heaven to make itself seen on Earth...

The Power of Music, Song, and Dance

Music, song, and dance has the ability to connect us in unison, and in spirit, as we move and sing in sync, and as we're all moved within by a force that helps us touch the sacred. It's as if we can touch part of the collective (though of course the collective atmosphere isn't necessarily always a positive thing)...  But nonetheless... there is connecting power through sound and movement...

Civil War?

What if all war is really civil war? What if we're all more interconnected than we believe ourselves to be? What if the outward battles are really a reflection of the inward battles that happen within all of our psyches?

What Do We do with Our Suffering?

I like this quote by Parker Palmer:

"Since suffering as well as joy comes with being human, I urge you to remember this: Violence is what happens when we don’t know what else to do with our suffering.

Violence is what happens when we don’t know what else to do with our suffering.""

Traits in the Animal World

It seems in the animal world, in the race to spread traits that convey health, it creates winners and losers in the game of life. A physically unhealthy one in the flock may be picked on and ostracized by the group. Maybe a less colorful bird won't have as many mating opportunities. The larger male defeats the smaller male in a battle for mating privilege...

I think as humans with increased consciousness, we become highly aware of these things in ourselves. We want to be attractive and desirable, and we understand some of the things required for approval. And this great understanding can create a lot of mental strife within, as we battle to accept those things that we are not. We approve and disapprove of things within ourselves and within others... And we struggle with how to deal with how these things affect us. I think we struggle because we also know that there's some kind of inherent worth within everyone outside of conditional worth...

Lanterns In The Sky

To help others find their inner flame
To find our own inner flames
So that we may all climb towards the heavens
Stars in the night sky

Exercising the Heart... Stretching Out the Soul...

Breaking open our hearts and letting it be open to the rawness of it all.... The joys and the sorrows... The comfort and discomfort... The entire gamut and spectrum... This is the birth of emotional strength. It doesn't come from detaching and avoiding as reflected by the typical "Be Strong" statements people make. It comes from openness to what life throws at us, and a willingness to experience fully.

And by breaking down our walls we gain access to the soul... a soul is stretched out by the ups and downs that come with joy and sorrow... The dark and the light... these are useful...

Forgetting Dreams

What if some of our dreams in waking life are like those of sleeping life? When we first awaken from a dream, so often we have to make a conscious effort in order to remember the dream, otherwise it slips back into the ether.

So what if our waking life dreams work in the same manner, where we have to make a conscious effort just to remember? I have a horrible tendency to forget to attend to some of the things I want to do. Some of those things get pushed out of consciousness and forgotten. Is there a way to better remember?

The Dark Side of "Politeness", "Kindness", and "Courtesy".

When we try to overly enforce politeness, kindness, thoughtfulness, etc., a strange dark side sometimes emerges.

I recall a time waiting at a restaurant for my cousin to arrive. I was really hungry, but decided to "be polite" and wait for him to arrive. By the time he arrived I snapped at him, asking him where he was and telling him that he was late. I was this angry beast who was far from polite. So it wasn't real politeness or consideration at all. I became quite impolite in my sense of victimhood.

I recall another time when I was at a cousin's wedding, and I was in self-righteous vegetarian mode. the unsuspecting innocent server placed a plate with meat on it in front of me. I immediately snapped and said, "I'm not eating this shit!" I believe myself to be this person who is kind to animals, but yet I was far from kind. I was extremely unkind to a person who had no idea what I wanted.

What these out-control-moments had in common are egocentricity: Ultimately I was self-absorbed and thinking about myself, rather than really thinking about others. Sometimes our actions are just for show, or they're there with the intent of trying to control others into behaving the way we want them to behave. While it's good that everyone try to agree on behaving in certain manners, sometimes our attempts at enforcing such behaviors creates an ugly dark side that no longer reflects the original intent.

Watering Our Garden

What if we watered our own garden?
Does that mean we'd have more flowers to give?

What is Freedom?

To me freedom is the ability to live one's truth. In doing so we honor the truths of others. It involves gathering courage to act despite any potential fear, until fear finally subsides and we start to live with Faith.

The Ritual of Marriage

I find it strange that Christians seem to claim that marriage only happens in the church. But what about other cultures and religions outside of Christianity. Do they not also get married and have their own set of rituals? Who has the right to claim the marriage ritual as their own and no one else's? To me it seems the ritual is part of our human psyche, a symbol of the bonding between two souls, regardless of what culture we're born into.

The Sacred in Everything?

I was watching Star Trek The Next Generation. In the episode I watched, Wesley came across a Native American who was trying to teach him the ways of his people. The Native American said that his people view all things as sacred. He also mentioned that we must also view ourselves as sacred. Wesley then asked himself if he believed himself to be be sacred.

Am I myself sacred? Do I believe I'm sacred? These are questions I struggle with because so often I do not treat myself as sacred. I often do not honor the being that is me. Too often I feel I take for granted this being that I am in this current moment. How does one finally begin to view oneself as sacred, a sacredness that connects to all?

Vesica Piscis and The Mandala?

What if the mandala is symbolic for many, if not infinite vesica piscis, where the center is the very essence that all things share? What if it's this area that we must all realize, an area beyond the many polarizations/dichotomies that exist?

Hidden Hubris?

If we hold on to our values and beliefs too tightly, and use our holding as an excuse to treat others as less, Are we acting as if we are gods, deciding which being is more worthy than the next? Thus which being is worthy of better treatment?

Perhaps we all secretly want to be gods... We want to be perfect... But how we go about this quest will affect how we experience the forces stronger than us... How we go about the quest will determine if we experience grace, or if we experience something far more sinister...

With each of our actions, who do we really serve?

My Own Pettiness

At what point can I set aside my own pettiness? And work to serve the greater good???

Ripple Effects

We all bring something to the table. We bring both our baggage and our gifts. And every action we take, and the way of our being affects others in a ripple effect in subtle but powerful ways. So how do we maintain a way of being that benefits the whole? And how can we be resistant to the effects of strong destructive influence? Whole groups fall into their shadow, projecting it upon others, painting others as monsters. Whole countries have done the same, scapegoating whole groups, creating destructive wakes of madness affecting all. How does one maintain clear sight through it all? We're all prone to influence, and we're all interconnected. If viruses of the psyche spread, is there hope for us? Will movies of the zombie apocalypse play out in real life again?

The Interconnected Threads behind Objects

All physical man-made objects have interconnected threads... Throughout the process of creation many hands and minds... And to the delivery and how the objects came to be in our presence, There are so many involved...

The Healing Listening State

https://youtu.be/B0Xv6Tb2k0E

Acting from a place of "Is-ness"

How do we act with faith and courage, trusting in the Is-ness of it all... trusting in the Is-ness that exists within us... without aggression towards ourselves and others...

And what's the right amount of effort to put in when trying to grow on our path? Can we grow without having to use whips?

Monster Creator

I paint a most vile picture of you
So I don't have to face the monster within myself

I wouldn't react to it if a part of me didn't believe in it.

If someone tells me I don't measure up in some area and I react to it strongly, then it's likely that a part of me believes in what has been said...

And when I react angrily or in an irritated manner, I'm likely casting blame for something that actually exists within me.

Individual Navigation

We all have our own paths to navigate. We each start at various points in space. We sometimes assume others have traveled our same path. We sometimes assume when we run into someone else along our personal journey that the darkness on the ground belongs to the other.

So how can we elucidate what's our shadow and what is someone else's shadow? If my shadow lands on someone, how can I tell I'll be able to see it clearly, and claim it as my own?

Creative Tension?

Perhaps the collisions that we experience with others in our lives, the people we interact with, it's this tension that allows for creation of a new thing. When the heart breaks a little, perhaps a little something from within seeps out and we're transformed little by little each time we touch that inner thing.

Cesspool

Cut to the quick
A deer in headlights
I flee to lick my wounds
A pain never fully expressed
A cesspool continues to grow

If There really Is a Collective Unconscious

If there really is a collective unconscious, then the most important thing is to learn how to get over our own personal shit for the sake of the whole. Learning to soften our own attitudes in order to decrease the aggression in the world would be part of the goal. Learning to acknowledge any hidden aggression would also be part of the goal. To live courageously, releasing aggression born out of fear would be the goal.

The Hardest and Easiest Thing

The hardest and easiest thing is falling in love and rolling with what happens. Things kind of just unfold and we go for a ride, making things easy. Though the ride itself reveals all, making things hard, forcing us to face ourselves and our partners: Union in the nude.

Tangled

The two were lying on the ground with the crowns of their heads barely grazing each other, both looking up at the stars together blissfully in each other's presence. In that space the time would pass unnoticed. Like roots of a tree creeping through the earth, their hair had grown towards each other. Each bit of hair carefully weaving with the hair of the other. By the time they had awaken from their revelry, they knew not what had happened. They struggled and struggled to free themselves, creating pain on both sides. Cutting the cords would be to cut a part of themselves. Remaining entangled meant learning and growing pains while the two had to learn to walk together side by side. With the passage of time cords lengthen allowing for increased freedom on both sides. But could the two make it in a union filled with many obstacles?

The Way I Perceive the World

The way I take in the world, it's as if everything is a potential chord that is played. Every chord has its own nuances, some more complicated than others. For the most part I can discern the nuanced tones and how they make me feel, but it's often difficult to explain in words.

War in a Peaceful Environment?

What if war actually still exists while in a seemingly peaceful environment? What if we must all take up arms when dealing with what's happening within? How do we create peace within the inner world?

The Heart in The Present Moment

The heart in the present moment moves agilely from left to right, and floats up and down... At any moment we experience joy, then suddenly we shift to feelings of sorrow for those who suffer... The common bond of each of those moments is a feeling of connectedness to that which is outside of ourselves. It's of us and not of us. By touching the hidden threads, the heart remains present and open to experiencing whatever comes its way...

When are We Ready?

Are we ready when we're acting from a pure heart and we're ready to surrender? In deepest of waters, how can we be sure we won't drown?

Shared Thread

When a piece can move us to bits or make us cry, there's a common underlying shared thread beneath the surface: A tug at the heart strings. If there were an instrument I'd like to learn to play well, it might be this one... to have access to the movements and vibrations that affect us at our core... A core that has the power to bind us all together in a beautiful harmonious way...

Sleepwalking

Light and airy
Like a dream
Floating with the wind
Dancing in the breeze

But there you are
Right here before me
Real yet not real
How do I awaken?

"It's okay if you make mistakes"

These are the words the young pre-school me so desperately needs to hear. The child who was laughed at by the teacher and his classmates when he was clueless how to do a task involving cutting and pasting something in order. I don't know if this memory is truly accurate or real, but it's burned in my mind. It's a feeling of being outcasted because I didn't know what I was doing and I had made a mistake. It was a lonely feeling, an isolating feeling where I felt I was on the outside away from everyone else. No one saved me from those feelings.

It's strange, I myself am hypersensitive to making mistakes, and I'm also hyper aware of mistakes others make when it comes to an area I know about, and an area where I feel mistakes are harmful to others. Perhaps I also need to hug those people who I view as making mistakes. It seems I become those laughing kids. I become the teacher who pointed out the mistake I had made, a type of twisted projection where I am the same person who caused loneliness in the pre-school version of me... And now I feel a sense of sorrow for those people I have attempted to correct... What if they too were like me???

Quenched

Surfeited bodies quenched
Settling in like warm blankets
From one dream into the next

Retreating to the Forge

To retreat into the forge and work on craft... How can I tell when I'm being called to the hearth? Must I ache to be pulled in by force? Do I spend enough time there to fill me up?

Land And Water

On land so much gravity
In water weightless, buoyant, free
To trudge across land
To glide gracefully through water
The heart yearns to be where it belongs

Discerning types of Positivity?

I think there are different types of Positivity. One form is a kind of false positivity, where we wear blinders, "trying to remain positive", while aggressively running away from what we view as negative, since it's somehow a threat to our own comfort. We wage war on negativity, trying to protect ourselves.

I think there's also another form of positivity where we sit naked in the rawness of the moment. We courageously sit with our discomfort and try to sort through our own confusion through inquiry. The more experience we have sitting, perhaps the greater our tolerance, and the greater serenity of mind we have. It's like weightlifting for the heart.

The Effect of Countenance

Today I'm browsing photos, and I came across a few where the people pictures have a look of serenity and peace...  Somehow that look spreads into my being, influencing how I feel. I'm thinking that should be a goal of mine: To work on being more and more peaceful in my own countenance for the sake of all. It's strange what a little physical thing can do.

Tennis Strokes and Playing Guitar

To consciously work from an unconscious place... First attention... Then faith...

The Same Action But from A Different Place

It's very confusing to discern the energy of our actions, the intent behind what we do. I wonder if there's an easy way to determine from what space we're operating from.

Is Reduction of Aggression Part of the Path?

How much does aggression beget more aggression? How much does peace beget more peace?

With so much aggression in the world, how important is it to reduce aggression in oneself? There's hidden aggression towards ourselves when we try "to fix" some aspect of ourselves in an almost punishing kind of way that involves guilt and shame: It's like we lack faith that things kind of progress in a certain direction on their own and in their own time, much like how a baby learns to walk or learns how to talk.

We have aggression towards states of discomfort. We want to blame or lash out or run away from anything or anyone we view as a source of discomfort. We're filled with fear, anger, and aggression towards perceived threats. When dealing with others, there's often a game of tit for tat, getting locked into cycles of aggression. We try to punish in various ways: We try to shame, we try to hurt, we try to withhold. Aggression becomes a tangled mess...

And if we do refrain and use forbearance, how do we know we're not just burying aggression, only for it to fester up later with a different kind of vengeance and force? At what point is an action truly transformative? How do we know we're not just putting walls up or running away in a type of avoidance.

Perhaps the process is something truly individual in that it happens without having to be seen by others? There's no need for some type of reference point. Maybe certain ways of being "just are" on their own. Perhaps when we're working from a different place from within it just is, without the need for any type of audience. Each moment standing on its own.

When Rawness is Exposed

When rawness is exposed, like an open wound, sometimes the discomfort feels like too much. A heightened sensitivity reveals itself, and I'm unsure what to do with that. All I can do it sit with the rawness and hopefully let it open me, maybe even at my core: A kind of reminder of the things I bury.

The Running Turtle

The turtle runs away
It does it's best to hide
The dentist comes out to play
In order to bring darkness to light

Seeking Resonance and Trying to spread feelings of connection VS Seeking validation and ego stroking

I feel I toe the line with trying to create a sense of resonance by some type of shared experience, sharing my writing or photography or whatever... and seeking validation to stroke my ego...

How can I tell which one I'm really engaging in? Is there an ideal balance? And if so, how do I achieve that balance?

At The Heart of The INFP Psyche

I think the heart of the INFP psyche involves honoring the individual experience of another, as well as advocating the honoring of individual experiences. Also while examining those experiences, common experience tends to reveal itself: Like reaching the center of the Earth, the part that touches all.

How I Control People

I set up a perimeter of land mines, forcing people not to cross certain boundaries, as I explode when my hypersensitive areas are touched.... BOOM!!!

The Wrong Road that Heroes take Before Triumph

There's often a false road that heroes take, and I wonder what my false roads are: The roads where we think "if only I were in this place I'd be happy and feel fulfilled." How do we discern our false roads? What is The true and proper path towards fulfillment? Does such a path even exist? Our stories suggest that we like to believe it does... Are there any roads that aren't dead ends?

Spiritual Friends

It's often said that those who help expose our raw spots aren't enemies, but rather they're our friends. So how do we see from this perspective? Rather than seeing from a perspective of self-protection and victimhood? How can we see that everyone we encounter is actually on our side? Whether they're helping us to uncover some of the raw spots, shining light on some of the dark, or helping us up and cheering us on when we're down...

The journey into ourselves is filled with many dragons. How do we gain the trust, fellowship, and wisdom of the dragons?

Rowing the Boat Towards the Light of the Sun

To row the boat towards the light of the sun
we require balance in order to stay on course.
And to move more quickly towards the light,
it's helpful to face our shadow.

The Dance of Trepidation

And they danced
Together hand-in-hand
Yet not completely together
Each with deep internal fears
Each hoping to be seen
Each hoping to be loved without boundaries
Yet the two continued to dance
Arms slightly stiff at one moment
Arms soft in another moment
Eyes closed in one moment
Eyes opened in another
Sometimes seeing the other
Sometimes seeing only themselves
A continual push and pull
Two steps forward
And two steps back
But always running the risk
Of one step forward
And two steps back
Each time giving into fear
Distance increased in increments
Until they can no longer feel
And finally until they can no longer see
Both alone
Both experiencing exactly what they feared
Fear itself the culprit
Destroying so much heavenly potential
The Dance of Trepidation claiming two more victims
Self victims
Self-sabotage
Self-created-prophecy
Death of Love

The Lonely Snowflake

Once upon a time in the coldest winter air, a snowflake was born. This snowflake looked unique and beautiful, like no other snowflake around. The snowflake blew across the sky, hoping to find other snowflakes like itself, yet also wishing to be a special snowflake, one like no other. There was a constant battle within, between wanting to be better than other snowflakes and wanting to find others like itself. The battle was born out of fear: A fear of not being enough, and a fear of not belonging to a group.

The snowflake kept floating and floating in the wind, many cold dark and lonely nights, searching and searching. The snowflake couldn't find anyone like itself, and as a result it felt lonelier and lonelier each coming day and night.

Then one day the Sun cast a light so bright and so intense that the snowflake began to experience what felt like tears rolling down its face. The wind began to finally die down, and the snowflake could finally stop drifting in the wind. The existence it sought, to live high up in heavens, high up in the sky, above everyone else, was coming to an end; Instead, a more earthly existence was nearing as the snowflake gently fell towards the Earth.

As the snowflake began to slowly melt, its unique edges and shapes were no more. It began to look more and more like other snowflakes who were also falling down towards the Earth. This made the snowflake happy: Finally seeing others like itself, it felt a sense of belonging. The snowflake now cried tears of joy, tears which would melt it even further, creating even softer edges. Then it happened: The snowflake settled onto the Earth's surface. It joined the others in a great pure white heap of snow. It finally felt connected and one with the others. Interconnected, a new journey awaited these freshly fallen snowflakes: In the presence of the bright light of the Sun, they would turn into water together, then fly up into the heavens, painting the sky above a brilliant blue for all to see. Some would stay up in the heavens, while others would be summoned to once again to repeat the cycle, once again gracing the Earth with their beautiful powdery presence. The lonely snowflake, along with other snowflakes who felt lonely, were lonely no more. By falling down to the Earth, they found their way up into the heavens.

The Last Leaf

A softly-lit glowing leaf falls to soil beneath branches

Slowly disintegrating and withering away: blackened decay

Until once again assimilated by its Mother: Earth

Transforming until ready for a new journey: Infinity

Nourishing roots, giving strength to the many who proceed

Giant Manta Ray

A black giant manta glides through a peaking wave. Its dark shadowy silhouette traverses through a rolling translucent shimmering tunnel. The hilled fluid mass raises me up upon its ridge, then gently lowers me as it passes by. Water begins to whiten as a tubular cascade begins to roar, creating mist sublimating into heavens above. Water and sea foam journeying towards a final yet not-so-final destination. The mass of energy dissipates and disintegrates along the darkened soaked sandy shoreline. Two worlds collide, borders in flux, seeping into each other. A process of giving and taking, with grains of sand returning to an ocean floor, and droplets of water departing from the great open ocean: An edge that can never be fixed in place. A stasis that can never be. The manta continues to lurk so near yet so far.

Am I really Who I say I Am?

I advertise myself as some kind of compassionate person. But I question it. Sometimes I really don't care, and I'd prefer to block things out. And some of what I do is out of habit, it's not something to be really cognizant about. So as I go through the motions, am I really who I claim to be?

The Root of My Perfectionism?

What is the root of my perfectionism? Is it a fear of being criticized for being less? Is it an aggression towards myself? Is it a lack of trust in what Is?

Power and Influence

Power and Influence:  For a long time, these are things I have wanted in order to help alleviate what I believe to be unnecessary suffering.  For selfish reasons I wanted to help change the diets of my family members.  I wanted them to stick around longer.

Some time during my third or fourth year in undergraduate schooling, I learned that heart disease (the number cause of death due to disease at the time) is something that's totally preventable and even reversible by means of consuming a primarily plant-based diet. This was a revelation at the time for me, and I believed everyone should know. I believed that information was enough to help people, and help people to change their ways in order to prevent heart disease. In my mind I was on a mission to help prevent suffering.

Truthfully I was trying to prevent my own suffering. I dread the loss of loved ones.  I have an aggressive stance against suffering in general, but more specifically suffering due to loss. I was afraid to lose my own parents to heart disease. I was (and still am) afraid of how I would be able to get by if I were to lose any of my parents. So I went on a mission of change. I tried to create meaning in a life where I wasn't sure what the meaning was (I'm still not sure what the meaning of it all is).

The major event to trigger such desire to combat against suffering was the sudden loss of my aunt in 2000. I saw the suffering it created in my family members. I hoped to do anything in my power to prevent such suffering. And the knowledge I had within me, I felt that to be a key in minimizing suffering: I wanted to spread the word. It's like I wanted to preach the gospel.

But through it all, it seemed like the only person I could have any real affect and change upon was (and is) myself. My frustration grew over the years because of my aggressive stance. I want things on my own terms. I want to be the hero in the bigger picture of things. Instead I've found myself to be relatively powerless, inspiring very little change in those around me.

Currently it has gotten to the point in the present day where I question myself. I wonder if I even care about people anymore. The mission I was on was really a means to try to prevent my own emotional suffering. Perhaps suffering is just a part of life, and I should allow people to follow their paths into an insidious oblivion. I'm unsure who I'm really serving in this whole process. Am I self-serving (I believe I am). Or do I really care about the welfare of others (I'm not sure I care as much I as I should).

My mind and heart are in "No-man's land". The person who wanted power and influence to serve himself in a way that's also helpful to others,  I'm unsure what to do with that person. I'm also unsure of what became of that passion inspired person who used to be so driven. I question my role. I guess in the end I still want to be some sort of hero, but I still don't know how to be a hero.

I feel like I've given up, and that perhaps it's better to be nothing at all.

This Life We are Given

What do we do with this precious time we are given? What do we spend it on? In what manner do we spend it? And what are we actually supposed to spend our time on?

I sit here reading of lives cut so short...  And I wonder what's the ideal way to live with this precious resource we have. I wish I knew the answer...  For myself I feel like I take the act of living for granted. I have so much aggression towards the act of living, usually because things don't happen on the terms I want to dictate. With all the surprises and twists, it seems I am afraid to completely feel. Perhaps I don't have faith in my inner strength...

So I sit here wondering "How do we truly live?" I'm not really sure of the answer...

Wandering Ghosts

Sometimes we die, but our ghosts keep wandering the earth, making it difficult to live completely when we're reborn. We stay bound to the images of who we once were, stuck in a state of being partially asleep, trying to live a dream that no longer Is.

Our Perception and Responses

"On the night on which he was to attain enlightenment, the Buddha sat under a tree. While he was sitting there, he was attacked by the forces of Mara. The story goes that they shot swords and arrows at him, and that their weapons turned into flowers.

What does this story mean? My understanding of it is that what we habitually regard as obstacles are not really our enemies, but rather our friends. What we call obstacles are really the way the world and our entire experience teach us where we're stuck. What may appear to be an arrow or a sword we can actually experience as a flower. Whether we experience what happens to us as obstacle and enemy or as teacher and as friend depends entirely on our perception of reality. It depends on our relationship with ourselves."

From "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron

What is Right and What is Wrong?

Sometimes I don't know what's right and what's wrong.  I observe nature and see what we humans describe as wrong.

I've seen dogs kill kittens for what seems to be no reason, other than possibly territory or natural prey drive...  Male Grizzly bears and Hippos kill cubs and young ones for the opportunity to mate...  Chimps kill each other in territorial wars...  Animals kill each other for food...

I've watched ducks up close and personal...  Ducks will pick on one of their siblings if the sibling has something physically wrong with it...  What I saw was a duck blind in one eye being chased off and ostracized my its siblings...  I've seen male ducks invade a space occupied by a couple and rape the female duck...

A lot of instinctual behavior seems to be the root of a lot of violence and what we consider to be wrong.  So is there another standard for humans?  Are we somehow above all of this instinctual animal behavior?

And when we attempt to align ourselves with the side of "right", does that mean we're allowed to punish and treat others with violence?  And isn't that violence essentially the same thing, only gilded with different labels?

I'm unsure how to define what is right and what is wrong...

What Do You Wake Up For?

What do you wake up for? Now there's a question I can't answer.  I envy those who can answer such questions.  But honestly, I don't have a good answer for that.  I'm clueless.  What do I look forward to upon awakening each and every day?  It must be nice to have so much zest and enthusiasm for whatever those things are...

Sunrise and Sunset

Some days are long
Some nights are long
And I can never tell
What part of the day or night I shall awaken to
And when I shall go back to sleep

Overuse of the word "Toxic"

In my opinion the word "toxic" is thrown out too readily and easily.  People love to call others "toxic".  It's an easy way to avoid looking at oneself.  It creates a false sense of separateness, that we're somehow better than the next person.  It implies "that person is toxic, and I am not.  I am better than said person.  Those people must get away from me so they do not affect me."

If we see it so readily, the truth is we're probably seeing an aspect of ourselves we don't like.  If it seems to follow us around, there's a reason for that.  Our eyes are what's affected... as well as our hearts.

Dark submits to the presence of Light.

The Little Lost Singer

Lately I've been trying to reflect back on who I was or what I enjoyed doing as a child...  I vaguely remember family members telling me I used to sing "Little Red Corvette" (just those words) over and over again in our VW bus that had a broken radio at the time...  I also remember finding a tape recording of when I was much younger, and on the tape I was playing organ I believe (not actual notes or chords) while singing my own name...

It's weird to have no conscious memory of doing these things, but apparently it's something I enjoyed doing.  So perhaps I need to do a better job at honoring the little lost singer within, making an effort to get back in touch with that part of myself.

The Calm Ocean

The calm ocean can only remain calm for so long...  Right when we think we're in for a smooth ride...

My Relationship with Water

At an early age I had learned to swim.  By the age of 5 or 6 I already learned to swim in the deep end of our family pool.  Beneath there was peace, an infinite hug.  All was quiet but not quiet, since some sounds seemed amplified.

Fast forward to my teenage years, I loved to go to the lake with my dad.  One of my most favorite things to do was to go fish with him.  I absolutely loved being in that environment.  I've always had a love for bodies of water.

In my college years I would go on to paint the room in my parents' house blue like the ocean, with a dark, almost black, blue sky above.  Adorned on my walls are more ocean imagery:  A tropical sunset, a tropical reef teeming with ocean life, and an islander village with a mountain stream flowing through it.  It's like I re-created my own peaceful ocean of water to surround me, to comfort me.

And in more recent times, water seems to be a consistent theme in many of my dreams.  Water and fish are frequent visitors of mine while in the dream state.  In a short poem I wrote not long ago, I had used crashing water as a way to symbolize my efforts to reach, but come tumbling down: The realm of the sky is only touched by the water of clouds.

A concept of Introversion I had come up with also contained water:  Swimming the depths and exploring a reservoir of water, while deepening it as well.  A concept of equanimity I thought of also has to do with water:  deepening the well so much, that surface perturbations do not disturb overall equanimity.  Another concept of being in the grip, I describe it as a tidal wave that leaves me totally wiped out.  It's a destructive force that can bring new life, as well as destroy life and relationships.

It seems water will continue to be with me in so much that I do...  It's a personal symbol that I should probably learn to more fully embrace, as I swim along with the kraken and monsters of the deep.

The Magic of the Ordinary

After reading a chapter on "The Gift of the Ordinary" in a book, it seemed only fitting that not long after, I'd see the perfect example of such:  A tribute to Huell Howser was being televised  on KCET.  He seemed like a master in finding enthusiasm in many places, including places some might think of as ordinary.  To live with that much enthusiasm seems like a wonderful way to live.

Chasing After Me

The faster I run, the bigger it grows and the faster it gets
I think you're not of me, but you are indeed of me
The two of us are we...

Becoming Zombies

Does that represent what happens when we join in collective group projection, casting others as scapegoats?:  We become these brainless beings who spread virulently, eating the brains of others.  Others try to remain conscious, but it's a rather difficult endeavor, because the mass, the horde is strong.

Unacknowledged Dark

Unacknowledged dark remains dark...

When Others are seen as Objects or Obstacles

When others are seen as objects or obstacles, we use them as a screen for our internal projections.  It looks so real, we fail to see the truth, and we fail to truly see the person as a person.  We're rigid, and we use force instead of receptivity and flexibility...

Seeing Ourselves

When looking at others:  That is me, that is me, that is also me.  That person I feel totally separate from and I feel I can't relate, that is me, but it's the part of me I've pushed away from consciousness.  So yeah... That is me!!!

Forgetting and Remembering

When we self-forget, we remember something else...

The Un-lived Life Within

Yeesh!  The un-lived life within feels so unstable, with it's own energy welling up uncontrollably, creating feelings of inner dissonance.  I find it difficult to sit and stay with all of that instability.  Goodness gracious, those crazy monsters within!!!  "We will eat up your flesh from within! Muahahahahahha!"

At the Heart of Darkness

When two people get caught up looking at themselves and not truly seeing and responding to the other person...  both saying "What about me?"

The Effect of Hubris

I think believing that we can indeed attain some sort of perfection as humans, and trying to own perfection, I think it can create some neuroticism.  I don't think perfection necessarily belongs to us, though at times it might be channeled through us.  But when that happens or comes close to happening, we can't claim ownership.  I think we can say we acted as a medium or a conduit to help the process to unfold, so there's still some distance away from the act.

Non-Material Wealth

Union, Connectedness, Relatedness, Soft amorphous boundaries...  Sharing these things from one's inner wellspring... that is the non-material version of a philanthropist...

Bringing these things into the world using mediums and gestures through clear seeing, this is how we create relatedness, invisible threads that feed an inner bank account.  Interweaving is the work of those that specialize in non-material wealth.

When we try to create boundaries and separation through one-upmanship and scores, attempting to say we are better than and we are separate from the next person, we destroy inner wealth, desecrating something of infinite value...

Trying to Claim God for Oneself

I think trying to claim God for oneself is one of the most dangerous things.  God is accessible to all.  Creating gates is an ego building exercise.

Singing Out Loud

I recall when I was still in elementary school, not wanting to sing out loud in music class.  I don't think it was in my nature as a very quiet kid.  But one day I came back home with a report card that had what I believe to be equivalent to a "C" in music class.  I could sense my mom's anger and disappointment.  So I resolved to sing out louder in music class, somehow thinking that it might help.

And indeed it did help.  My grade improved ever since the act of singing out louder.  And my music teacher enjoyed my voice so much that she'd constantly suggest that I join chorus.  Though as a reserved kid who didn't really like to participate in group activities, or to be on stage, I always refused.  "You really should be in chorus" Mrs. Dunn would tell me.

I often wonder what might have happened if I did join chorus and if I were to develop my instrument back then.  I recall singing with ease.  One of my classmates even told me, "You sound like the record."  I never thought of singing as something difficult before.  Though the years passed by, and my speaking voice changed.  After that the same ease was never there.  And I stopped any type of singing all throughout Junior High and High School.  But then suddenly in College I had a strong desire to sing.  I'm not sure if it's because I wanted the recognition that goes along with recognized talent, or if it was also because of an innate desire to express myself in a way that could stir my insides.  I believe it was some combination of both.

Unfortunately I never found the same ease in singing again.  It's like part of me is forever silenced for a multitude of reasons.  I'm quite self-conscious, unlike before.  Somehow singing started to matter more, as if it were some reflection on me, on my worth.  My voice would feel restricted and tight.  My voice still feels tight.

But now I wonder if I'm able to use my increased consciousness as a means of finding vocal freedom again.  Perhaps I can consciously exercise my instrument with the help of some instructional material, once again finding vocal ease.  Maybe it's time to see if I can sing out loud once again.  If Mrs. Dunn was correct in identifying a potential gift in me, then maybe it's important to honor the gift, if it really does exist within.  This may be another interesting journey to explore.

Knowing of the Words and Truly Knowing and Living the Words

Aaaaah!!!  Why is it so difficult??!?!?!?!  It seems like there are different levels of knowing, and access to that knowing seems to involve many ever changing variables, often from moment to moment.

Validation and Inspiration

Is there ever a point where we no longer need external validation?  And when we no longer need an external source of inspiration: An external muse

Or is the interplay always a necessary component of pushing us forward in some type of direction?

Burning Lungs

This is a sore spot for me... But no matter how many times I ask that a certain item that burns my throat and lungs not be used... For some reason my requests go unheeded.

So I get the pleasure of having to deal with breathing in that which irritates and burns my lungs.  All I can do is get angry... and deal with it...

If I were to Listen to My Heart

If I were to listen to my heart...  It's likely it would tell me to love myself no matter what...

But of course my brain gets in the way and gives me the idea that I have to be certain things in order to be worthy of love.  But the thing is love is beyond worth... It just is...

So WTF! haha.  How come I can't just listen to my heart and just love?  It's so easy for me to give into self-hate, and tell myself I'm supposed to be this or that... Rather than loving the being that I am in each and every moment...

I'm not what I want to be... I'm not what others probably want me to be...  And yet there is something more that exists in the imperfection of it all... The "is-ness" of it all...

Ritual

Ritual is definitely something missing from my life...  I don't necessarily have a sacred space to create sacred space... No altars or shrines exist in my living space.  Perhaps I should create one.

Forces Stronger than Our Will

When dealing with forces stronger than our will, we can only hope to channel such forces in some kind of constructive way.

The Problem with Creativity

For the most part we can't really make a claim on creativity...  A lot of times it kind of just happens...  The only thing we can do is pay attention when it's happening, and then hopefully act upon that.

We pay attention, we cast our line, and wait and wait... hoping to get a nibble...

The Force that Cannot Be Forced

That strange but powerful force that cannot be forced...

What I'm likely looking for

It's likely that I'm looking for people and things that help to inspire and nurture my creativity:  Accessing parts that are more than me...

And if I fall, it's likely I'll fall for someone who serves as a muse...  Though ultimately I probably have to find my own way since part of the journey must be walked alone (but not alone).

When there is No More Fight or Flight Left

When there is no more fight or flight left in us, sometimes a new space opens up revealing something different.

Romance?

When someone offers up their presence, their essence, their being...  There's something magical in the stillness of it all...

Beyond the Outer Shells

When we love we touch upon essence: The thing beyond the outer shell.

A Hole Is Part of The Whole

Emptiness only exists with non-emptiness

So perhaps Non-ego only exists with the presence of ego

The Wheel and The Teeter-Totter

There is movement
Yet there is stillness

Having a Glimpse of Infinite Joy

When one gets a small taste, a glimpse...  But then it's taken away, it's fleeting...  What does one do with that?  How do we react to such an experience?  Temporarily coming to a wonderful home, only to be washed away to sea...

The Buddhist Path as A Trick Question?

There's something funny about the Buddhist path...  Desire is supposed to be one of the roots of suffering...  And there it is: A Path laid out to help end suffering.   But the reason we follow the path is a desire to escape suffering.  That same desire adds to a sense of suffering.

So what if a person doesn't necessarily follow the path and just decides to sit with suffering?

We are Everything and We are Nothing

The qualities we notice most in others are also qualities that exist in us, whether we admit it or not.  In essence we are everything.  Though if we are everything, then maybe there are no labels, and we are nothing. lol

Sports As an Example for The Journey?

In sports we practice, practice, and practice... working on our individual skills... with the hopes that eventually we can let go and just trust in the process...

I wonder if the journey works the same way... We build up consciousness, our identity, our ego, our skill sets... then we let go and trust in the process...

A Possible Way of Knowing We're Projecting Our Shadow

A possible way of knowing we're projecting our shadow comes from two books I have: "Bonds that Make Us Free" and "The Anatomy of Peace."

Last night I was pondering how I can tell if I am indeed projecting.  I also happen to be reading "The Anatomy of Peace."  I woke up with a possible answer, one that was staring me right in the face as I was reading the other night.

When we treats people as objects, as obstacles to the image we try to create, or obstacles to some of our desires... Rather than treating people as a person and truly seeing them, and looking into them...  I think that's when it's likely we're projecting our shadow.

We put value and our self-worth into the image we're trying to create and trying to protect.  But it's a false image and shell of who we are and who others are beneath.

Shadows only exist in the presence of an object and light...  Viewing through the lens of the image we try to create, an image that itself is an object, we begin to see shadows... Our shadow...

Another possible clue is knee jerk reactivity.  With knee jerk reactivity we're not fully conscious of the moment, and we're likely trying to protect the image we try to create.  Only when we're able to stop and pause can the light from grace possibly shine through.  But once again we have to get out of defending our built up images, and we have to truly see others.

Deadbeat

I am the total embodiment of the word...
It's something I absolutely loathe about myself...
I beat myself up about it...
I at times I wish I were indeed dead, that I didn't exist...
To be this useless burden, a total leech...
A deadbeat

Some of my darkest thoughts are related to this...
I totally fail at life...
To be an independent person who can stand on their own...
I'm an eternal child...

The Nature of Dream Characters

If dream characters are actually a manifestation of part of us...  Then it's interesting to encounter a character who engages in an act we find repulsive and disheartening...  A person who will do that type of thing is also Me....  it's just that person is placed in the unconscious world tucked away from the conscious Me.

The Physical Being that is "Me"

Overall I don't think I do a very good job of honoring the physical being that is me.  I only half take care of my physical being, while half neglecting it.  How can I honor it more and make a deeper commitment?

A Bridge Taken Away

A bridge taken away
From a part of me inside
Leaving a wake of longing

To feel what's felt beneath
But with increased immediacy
With increased intensity

Turning around but the bridge is gone
Each step towards does not bring it forth
It only allows one to see the other side
And the gap that now exists in between

Reflections on Various Energies Within

At times it feels a bit confusing...  Within me there exists a scientist... There also exists a wannabe artist...  And there also exists a therapist...

Each have their own pull and seem to want to come out at random varied times...  Though I feel the latter get in touch with the parts of myself I really like to bathe in...  A warm energy overtakes my being...

To Touch

Of all mediums, music tends to be the one to touch the parts of me that like to be touched...  To be stirred... To be moved internally... A part shared by many...

Our Relationship to Our Psychic Selves

I wonder if that's just an introvert thing (or maybe it's not exclusive to introverts)...  Or if it's more an Fi thing, balancing our conduct and behavior with the energies within...

Swept Up?

How can we tell if we're swept up on some forces unseen to us... driving us to do things that may or may not be harmful?

When it comes to conflict, there's some strange phenomenon that goes on:  The need to be "right" often puts us in "the wrong."

Irony of Needing to Be Alone When Lonely

The interesting thing is
I need to be away
To connect to myself
Even just for a few days

Confession, Elucidation, Education, and Transformation

(From "Archetypal Dimensions of the Psyche" "The Discovery of Meaning in the Idividuation Process" pg 221 von Franz)

Jung once divided the main events in psychological treatment into these four stages.  I feel like "Confession" is still something I very much have to work on.

According to Jung, the purpose of Confession "is to relieve the individual of painful, repressed secrets or affects that isolate him from his fellow human beings."

"It is," says Jung, "as though man had an inalienable right to behold all that is dark, imperfect, stupid, and guilty in his fellow men."  And, "It seems to be a sin in the eyes of nature to hide our inferiority--just as much as to live entirely on our inferior side.  There would appear to be a sort of conscience in mankind that severely punishes everyone who does not somehow and at some time, at whatever cost to his virtuous pride, cease to defend and assert himself, and instead confess himself to be fallible and human.  Until he can do this, an impenetrable wall shuts him off from the vital feeling that he is a man among men."

Healing of Old Wounds

Festering old wounds allowed to drain...
Allowed to breath...
So the process of healing can resume and take its natural course...

Shards of Sand

Jabbing, piercing, stabbing
Into the raw spaces
Until turned to pearl...

Winter Appearances

What appears dead, dry, and lifeless in Winter
Often hides what lies latent beneath...

The Arbitrariness of Many Aspects of Our Lives

It's pretty amusing how we create artificial importance.  I love this excerpt from an Sports Illustrated article honoring the late Sam Kellerman:

Sam could think and articulate as fast as his big brother, lie in wait listening and then wreak havoc with a reply. Once, debating why man had invented sports, Sam unloaded this haymaker: "Sports is man's joke on God, Max. You see, God says to man, 'I've created a universe where it seems like everything matters, where you'll have to grapple with life and death and in the end you'll die anyway, and it won't really matter.' So man says to God, 'Oh, yeah? Within your universe we're going to create a sub-universe called sports, one that absolutely doesn't matter, and we'll follow everything that happens in it as if it were life and death.'" Which delighted Max, because he craved a foil, someone who would compel him to hurl ever bigger and heavier numbers.

Missed Opportunities

When we miss Golden Opportunities...
Do we come back hungrier than ever?
Or do we sink and sulk at what could have been?

The Crazy Teacher...

Hannibal Lecturer feeds brains instead of eating brains...

Though I wonder if he might be stuffing them for his own future consumption...

Hmmm.....

Camera Cupid

There was once a time I said, "I'm glad I'm not into photography, because that's a really expensive hobby."  I sat there thinking my own inclinations were unlike that of my dad and his brothers.  And as I uttered those words, Camera Cupid with his wily ways, sat there watching with the wryest of smiles, carefully contemplating and anticipating the moment he'd draw his bow and hit his unsuspecting mark.

When I Fall

When I fall, I want to dive into the ocean
I want to steep in that primordial soup that is the essence of another's being
From the beginning
Until the end

Difficult yet Not Difficult

Is this the space where we're often at our best?

Everything and Nothing At All

I finally finished a short story (about a little robot) I've been working on what means everything and nothing at all... It's full of self-advice to myself... To keep going to those places... over and over again for the sake of finding the light within to share with others...  Hopefully I can follow my own advice...

The Presence of One's Absence

Being there by not being there...
The pain, the tugging, the gnawing,
the gravity of weakly burning embers wanting to burn brightly,
yet suffocating... starving...

Yeah that...