The Dark Side of "Politeness", "Kindness", and "Courtesy".

When we try to overly enforce politeness, kindness, thoughtfulness, etc., a strange dark side sometimes emerges.

I recall a time waiting at a restaurant for my cousin to arrive. I was really hungry, but decided to "be polite" and wait for him to arrive. By the time he arrived I snapped at him, asking him where he was and telling him that he was late. I was this angry beast who was far from polite. So it wasn't real politeness or consideration at all. I became quite impolite in my sense of victimhood.

I recall another time when I was at a cousin's wedding, and I was in self-righteous vegetarian mode. the unsuspecting innocent server placed a plate with meat on it in front of me. I immediately snapped and said, "I'm not eating this shit!" I believe myself to be this person who is kind to animals, but yet I was far from kind. I was extremely unkind to a person who had no idea what I wanted.

What these out-control-moments had in common are egocentricity: Ultimately I was self-absorbed and thinking about myself, rather than really thinking about others. Sometimes our actions are just for show, or they're there with the intent of trying to control others into behaving the way we want them to behave. While it's good that everyone try to agree on behaving in certain manners, sometimes our attempts at enforcing such behaviors creates an ugly dark side that no longer reflects the original intent.