Photo analogy...

The moments in my life I spent running away from experiencing something in its full intensity... are moments I've felt dull aches, numbness, a feeling of something not fully fulfilled...

I've come to the conclusion it's best to experience the lowest of lows and the highest of highs to fully deepen our experience of living... To know the most beautiful and the most ugly that lies within ourselves and within others... Understanding the human experience and the duality of our nature...

Like a photo with greater "exposure latitude..." From the brightest highlights to the darkest shadows... a clearer picture can be experienced, seen, felt...

kind with your heart...

when we seek to be kind with our hearts... including kindness towards those we love, towards strangers... it's good for our own heart's emotional well-being... when we extend kindness to animals by not eating them... it's good for our heart's physical well-being...

deep genuine kindness is the universal that is timeless in that it will always be a healing force for all involved no matter the circumstance...

Not saying anything when it may benefit...

If I know a piece of information or action will be of benefit to another, yet I keep my mouth shut...

That makes me partially responsible for allowing an unhealthy status quo to continue...

I need to suck it up and be brave enough to start speaking my mind if it will benefit others...

I have to start being more concerned and quit ignoring what's unhealthy...

"Get Busy Living, Or Get Busy Dying..."

Upon watching a video in remembrance of 9/11, I was moved to tears... The quote was a favorite of the one mentioned in the article...

Often I must remind myself of such things... for too often I feel like I just let my life pass me by...

The ones we share love with in our lifetimes are most precious...

http://news.yahoo.com/pregnant-flight-93-victim-honored-by-husband-s-lasting-tribute.htmlA Tribute to Love Lost

Plant-power!

From the firefighters featured in the movie "Forks Over Knives." The movie FOK is totally in line with my passion... as well as the idea that strength and fitness can be attained through Plant Power...

The little pilot study shown in the video demonstrates the value of a plant-based diet... In just 28 days, a person can lower their cholesterol significantly...

The importance of Fear...

Fear serves as resistance, as a challenge, as a barrier... Without fear we can't build courage... If there's no fear to begin with... then there is nothing to overcome...

The most important thing...

I still believe it to be love... But it must be acted upon for its presence to be felt...

Endure...

When exercising I have to remind myself to Endure... When things get uncomfortable and I wanna stop... I must keep moving... For the way to strength is sustained effort and perseverance...

Endure, endure, endure... keep going... stop if you must... but begin again over and over again... Endure... strength... perseverance...

Universal Nourishment for the Soul...

I was watching episodes of the travel show "Departures." And despite language barriers there was no shortage of universal language... Lots of smiles, lots of laughs... And tons of kindness displayed by the places visited... From Libya, Cuba, Vietnam, Brazil... anywhere they went there were plenty of smiling and loving people...

Love, laughter, and kindness... To me these are the universals... Universal nourishment for our souls... The things that break down barriers bring us closer... helping us to connect...

It's so refreshing to see so much kindness in the world...

Laugh, Cry, Love

Laughing... an audible expression of connecting...
Crying... a visual and tactile expression of feeling connected or disconnected...
Loving... the universal nourishment of the soul.

Often we laugh and cry with those we love...

Deep sighs... The moments that take our breaths away...

For me the act of Deep Sighing is like temporarily melting... In that very moment... whether from seeing a piece of art, hearing a piece of music, or feeling a deep sense of love for another...

Experiencing things that move us deeply in a single moment in time... We swell up inside, a temporary expansion of our souls...

Stirred so deeply we can no longer contain what's inside our hearts...

Seized by that moment we have to let it out...

If completely stirred we'll sometimes experience tears of joy or tears of sorrow to go along with our sighs... As if part of our soul is leaking out, bursting from the seams from within... Breath by breath.... Tear by tear...

The deeply moving moments... Deep sighs... Deep sighs...

Going with the flow...

A lesson learned from the human body... Sometimes it's best to go with the flow rather than against it... I'm reminded of this while practicing Position Release therapy... Going with the position of most comfort helps the body heal... We're trusting the inherent healing powers of the body... Versus trying to knead out and stretch out a ball of muscle by force...

Carve out new paths instead of fighting against old ones...

11

Today marks the 11th anniversary of my Aunt's unexpected death... It also marks the anniversary of me committing to my veg lifestyle... That day spurred me into action... Action to do the things I felt were important in my life back then...

In the moment to moment I have to remember my deeply rooted passion... If I'm to follow my heart's deep desire for expression... I must keep fighting for what I believe in... That which I view as unnecessary suffering due to ignorance... I pray I'm able to be a beckoning light to others who wish to see a better way for their own health, and for the health, well-being and quality of life of those they influence...

For a long time I was discouraged... But I've come way too far to lay down and give up...

Keep on fighting... keep on fighting... It's my heart's desire...

smile quotes

From the book "Never Act Your age" by Dale Anderson...

"Grinners are winners!"

"It's better to have laughed and leaked than to have never laughed at all!" :)

Just a few reminders to myself regarding the value of lightening up... And apparently laughter induces endorphin release within our systems, therefore laughter is healing... Even when Faked!

Another goal to add to my daily living...

Looking in the mirror I recalled that the expressions we carry on our face throughout our lifetime, those are the expressions that get etched into our faces...

It's time to lighten up and let that show in my countenance... If my mouth isn't smiling, then let my eyes smile often... Let me be soft, gentle, and welcoming. :)

Outlook

Instead of "Being positive" or "Being negative" I prefer the idea of "Being Open to all the potential possibilities," and having faith that I have the inner fortitude to fully experience whatever comes my way in each moment...

There will be moments of bliss... There will be moments of sorrow... Each add to the beauty and experience of life. Each intensifies its counterpart....

Inner Goals...

Exploring what lies latent within me... while shedding the images of self... the images I attempt to project outward, those built up self-images seeking outward approval...

Letting go of ego... relinquishing protection of ego and being okay with what is... No fighting to prove I am this, or I am that... Instead trusting in whatever is already there within...

Letting go of perceived prices on actions... I want to get to the point where I feel no one owes me anything... I want my actions to be actions I did "Just because." Well, more like "Just because I care." I want to be free from tit for tat. I want to love, I want to act... just because I can... just because I want to... just because those around me are important to me...

I want to be more magnanimous...

I want to be free of self-concern, because no matter what happens... everything will be okay so long as I can get out of my own way...

In releasing looking at myself inwards too much... I hope to be free to look outward... To see others more clearly... To understand with clarity their wants, desires, concerns, their needs at a given moment... Energy expended on myself during self-absorption can be shunted and projected outwards...

Trust... Courage... Strength... Faith... To Love... This is what I pray for... My deepest wishes...

Music as Prayer...

Sometimes I find listening to music is almost like a religious experience...  When it's deep and heartfelt it moves the soul...  it stirs, it shakes...

When I listen to a singer really put themselves into a song, it almost feels like a form of prayer...

Deep genuine concern and interest...

The more I explore, the more I come to realize these things are gems...  rare treasures...

Done with fullness in spirit... with complete enthusiasm... with a genuine sense of wonder and wanting to know more...

These create an amazing feeling of connection... A healing connection that whence found, if one is wise... becomes a bond to be cherished... if cultivated it becomes a bond most sacred.

Tolerance?

Le sigh...  I know for myself I often have to catch myself from falling into pits of self-righteousness...  But what makes me feel sick to my stomach is when I see fellow veg-heads approach others not-behaving-like-themselves... with so much open hostility and anger...

If I came from an omnivore perspective, I'd say "Who the Hell are YOU  To think that you're so much better than me?"

Even when fighting for a good cause... Self-righteousness only serves to divide...  It stirs up anger, hate, and discord.  It's a way of inflating one's own ego...

I find myself battling my own sense of self-righteousness...  Perhaps even saying I'm uncomfortable with other people when they're openly hostile... perhaps that has a tinge of self-righteousness...  The only thing I really know is when something makes me feel uncomfortable to my chest...  I feel hurt inside, like a twisting in my chest followed by feelings of sadness...

Somehow there is irony in promoting "compassion" while condemning the actions of others.  In an ideal world, to me true compassion lies in understanding the actions of others.  From that understanding we develop a sense of sameness since we all have our own self-work to do on some level.  And hopefully from that we develop an attitude of kindness, caring, gentleness...  and love despite perceived difference.

I dunno... I feel sad... my heart sinks reading angry comments of fellow veg-heads...  Though I know there are times I fall into my own boat of self-righteousness and intolerance...

When things aren't exactly as we want... Pain, suffering...

Our beings are challenged when the world around us isn't exactly as we want...  When we experience pain and suffering whether it's physical or mental...

These challenges exercise our patience...  To see if we can truly remain kind, gentle, and loving no matter what the situation...

Hardship is often a pathway for the Soul to grow and expand...

38 years...

Happy 38th to my parents... They're still loving and affectionate after all of these years...  I'm guessing they never stopped feeling lucky...

Sharing with a Special Someone...

One of the things I enjoy most about having a special someone in my life...  It's sharing the beautiful things I experience in my own life... The things that move me deeply...  With the hopes that they too might partake in the wonderful fulfilling feelings I experience when being immersed in the beauty of whatever it is I'm experiencing...  Food, Music, Nature, Quiet Moments, Spiritual Moments, ....Loving Moments

There's something healing about sharing that which is beautiful....

Seeing people who have passed in dreams...

It was so nice to see my Nina in my dream...  Apparently I gave myself a haircut and left all sorts of bald patches...  She was concerned and offered to help fix my funny haircut.  So good to see her.  :)

Denying my feelings...

It's completely clear what I feel when I drift off to sleep...
It's completely clear I can't deny these things...
The only thing I can do is expand my heart to make room to love even more...

Dreamt of a health establishment name

I had a dream I was part of some veggie/health restaurant with a name based on a song by Patti and Tuck.  The name of the place featuring awesome food was "Ready to Live."

Connectedness...

After going through some recent pangs of loneliness...  I've been wondering why I might be feeling such things...

I believe we all want an Audience.  We want to be seen, heard, felt, and appreciated...  When we feel no one relates to us...   we feel lonely...

Lately I feel very lonely...  Though I know it's partially my fault...

I know one can feel connected while being alone via meditation...  But right now I'm running away rather than remaining still.

Sports, Athletics, and Physical Activity to Me...

So often sports, movement, and sweat have offered solace to my soul...

For myself so often I've found it to be one of the best medicines...

I'm so thankful for my physical health so that I can experience the endorphin rush that comes along with physical activity...

Sports have also been a key source of one of my favorite things in the whole wide world...  The experience of flow... The oneness... The timeless...  The ecstasy of melting, feeling totally connected to everything while losing oneself...

Hiking, biking, and tennis... You are some of the loves of my life....

Losing things we love...

No matter how much I try to prepare... No matter how much I try to be strong and tell myself it will be okay...  I find it still hurts deep down inside...

Yesterday I let go of a kitten I had raised since it was 1 week old... An orphaned kitten that could barely walk...  That could fit into the palm of my hand...  That would cry constantly for company and food while it staggered aimlessly around with its one eye opened, not yet able to fully see...

Trying to get it to eat...  Trying to get it to exercise... Trying to get it to go into the sun outside to explore...

From a fragile little thing that would sleep in my lap...  To a playful rambunctious little guy that could entertain itself playing with inanimate objects....  Running, pawing, stalking, exploring the world around it...

I'm hoping and praying you're in better hands now...  I'll totally miss you little guy...  This man of a mommy cat who never quite liked cats...  My heart fell for you...  And now there's an empty space where you used to sleep...

May you live long and prosper...  May your future life be filled with much happiness...

To my "Orphy"...  Much love from your Daddy/Mommy...  When life was tenuous, you held on with your strength of will...  May I learn the same from you...

FInally gathered enough courage to do some Tonglen today...

I've been avoiding doing the practice... Well frankly... lately I've felt like crap...
And I wanted to avoid giving myself even more pain via the practice...

I finally mustered up enough courage to practice...
My heart ached while doing it...  I wanted to cry...

Though it's strange...
There is some residual ache from the practice...
And it feels concentrated around my heart...
Yet I feel so much better now...

Gone is the diffuse pain I was feeling...
Gone is the disconnectedness I felt...  feelings of loneliness...
The diffuse pain I was running from...
And now I feel "Happy Hurt" if that makes any sense...

I guess it's a reminder to be more courageous when facing things uncomfortable.
With "courage and an open heart "seems to change the effects.
With the open heart, sadness and a deeper sense of happiness can coexist...

And all of the sudden I feel more compassionate again...
I feel more connected...
I feel happier despite any aches...

Tonglen Practice...

Lately I've been too wimpy to practice Tonglen...
Afraid to feel hurt...
Not open to it...
I avoid doing the practice even when I know the benefit and how I feel afterwards...

I procrastinate, I put it off for other things...
To better myself I must continue working on my courage and strength...
Do these things so I can better love myself by doing things I need to do...
So that I can better love others, being kind and loving...
Especially when I don't want to, or Perhaps it's not so convenient...

Vegetarianism is a symbol of my ideal...
To want to be beyond myself...
Beyond my own corporeal selfish wants and desires...
To be more spiritual and loving of others...

Lately I want to be selfish...  I want to wallow in my self-pity... my self guilt of how good I have it...
Yet so often I'm unable to act...
I have to face myself... The self I don't care for too much...
Accept all parts of myself...

Then proceed...  Act...  Become Better....
And finally trust in myself, trust in life, and trust in people...
Faith that when I put in the effort to create positive things...
Everything will somehow work out...  (Somehow in the end, it always does... I truly believe this...  It's the small victories that count....)

Truths...

There are truths I can't hide from...
I can't run away from...
Too often it's in my dreams these are revealed...

My deepest fears... My deepest concerns...
I've been having some scary and interesting dreams...
Either way, Both tell me I need to toughen up...
To have more courage....
To have more strength...
To better myself...

Dreams in which we cry...

I had just woken up from an intense dream...  It was a "My Girl" type dream...  Around the times before pre-teens.  There were three of us...  Me, My Girl, and another boy.  We'd swim tributaries together full of tules/reeds surrounding the banks...  And there were shallow tunnels created by leftover piles of carpeting and plywood, tunnels we'd swim under...

Me and the other boy get into an argument while swimming.  A scuffle ensues, stirring up the river sediment, making the waters cloudy, murky.  My Girl tells me to knock it off, that I'm being immature...  This all happened just before one of those happenstance-tunnels we'd swim under.  I knew My Girl is right... So I try to stop the tension between me and the other boy.  The other boy ignores my pleas... He starts to swim into the now silt-laden tunnel...  I grab his ankle telling him not to go since it's too dangerous not being able to see.  He's angry and he doesn't listen.  My Girl proceeds to swim along side him as he escapes my grasp...  At this point I go around the pile, the makeshift tunnel.  I'm frightened at my stupidity, my childishness...  Afraid the scuffle I was responsible for might cause harm.  I wait for the other boy to surface through the brown murky waters... He does...  But a few seconds lapse, and there is no sign of  My Girl...

I begin to panic...  My Girl wasn't surfacing.  In a wild frenzy I begin shedding layer upon layer of old water laden carpets laid thick... The happenstance tunnel, I wildly whittle away at.  I yell at my friend to call the police, to call 911...  There happened to be a pay phone nearby....  Wildly flailing away at the carpets, I'm consumed with guilt...  Had I not been so childish, the silt buildup caused from the thrashing would not have gotten her stuck.  I finally get to the last layer as my other friend is calling...  My Girl's pulse is faint and fading... She's broken.  I'm clutching her slumping body in my arms helplessly as she's slipping away...  She's gone...  I feel agony, pain...  Feeling had I not been so foolish in the prior moments, none of it would have happened.  I hold her lifeless body close...  A tiny broken compass serving as a pendant on a necklace lays on her chest broken.  I look at it and begin to cry immense tears of pain.  I think of how much I loved Mr Girl and how it was too late to bring her back.  I lost her... the person I felt so deeply connected to...  The unspoken, unbreakable bond...  broken.  I can't help but sob and cry.

As the intensity of the tears comes to crescendo, to full force, to full intensity... I awaken from the dream....

I feel real tears streaming down my face, gravity bringing them towards my bed as I lay on my right side...  A pain and remorse that felt all too real...

It's interesting how dreams can make us feel and experience real pain, both physical and emotional...

Secretly I wake up, almost wishing I could wake up from waking up... Wishing for a dream within a dream... for the pain carried on into real waking hours....  My heart ached...

Alas, I can only collect myself and continue living real life....  Wipe away the tears, keep living...

A variation of what Dori from "Finding Nemo" says.... Her "just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."  Just keep living, just keep living...  And keep on trying to be better....

Forgetting My Greatest Source of Motivation...

Quite often I forget...
Too caught up in self-absorption and fear...
To the point I may hurt others unwittingly...

I have to remember...
My greatest source of Motivation...
It will always be "To Love"...
To truly forget self-concern, To have courage...
To act for others, for my loved ones, for strangers, for all beings that feel...

Too often I've gotten lost on my path...
Hurting many along the way...
I can only wish for self-forgiveness...
So that I can move on and do better in bettering myself...

With me being more concerned for others...
Loving others more...
In the past I've used that motivation to give up habits not in line with my ideals...
If I can remember to tap into this...

Perhaps a mantra for myself can serve as a gentle reminder...
Especially when dealing with uncomfortable actions...
"Love" as in the verb rather than the noun...
Having genuine concern for others, and acting upon it accordingly...
Even if it takes much courage...

Black & White

I cannot bathe in only the light ....for fear of being washed out to what's real...
I cannot brood in only the dark ...for fearing of drowning and losing touch of what's good...

In highlights and shadows I see more clearly...

Tenuous Threads...

Tenuous threads so precious...
Tenuous threads so fragile...
Tenuous threads keeping us connected...

The tenuous nature of the bonds we sew...
If we remember this...
We are better equipped to constantly appreciate...
And hopefully better show our appreciation...

(inspired by the little gray kitty I tried to nurse back to health..  may the little one rest in peace... you seemed content prior to passing in your sleep...  hopefully you felt loved before your journey...    )

Luck

Sometimes it's easy to take Luck for granted...
Especially when we've been Lucky all of our lives...
Getting the things we often so most desire...
Often to the point of expecting good things to happen...

Though optimism and expectancy of good fortune are positive things...
It's best to remember and recognize the Luck we have in our lives...

Sometimes the things that were best in our lives...
These things disappear before we know it....
And if those things are people...
If we fail to recognize them and make them feel appreciated...
Often times it will be too late when we finally decided to better acknowledge them...

Too often I've been so ridiculously Lucky in my life I forget to be thankful...
To the people I've connected to in this lifetime...
To the people I've connected very deeply...
I'm thankful for the precious time...  however brief, however long...

If ever there's a regret I'll probably have in my lifetime when I die...
It's that I didn't show enough appreciation towards those who have loved me...

May I continue to open my eyes to the gifts I've been given...
And may I more fully acknowledge that which has been given...

Last Goodbyes...

Too often our last goodbyes are left unfinished...
Too often we don't realize it's a last goodbye...
Too often we realize we wish we could do it all again...
To embrace the moment more fully...
To take it all in...
To give way more of ourselves...
To really really love in those parting moments...

Too often we forget just how precious each moment is.....
Hug tighter...
Kiss more fully...
Open one's heart...

For we just never know when...............

Benefit of the Doubt

Seek to continuously give people the Benefit of the Doubt...
For so often we do not know what's really going on inside of them...
Have faith in the inherent goodness in all...

Realizing Our Humanity as a Pathway to Love.

In realizing our own Humanity,
That we are indeed "imperfect," that we are each "flawed" in our own special unique way...
We learn to Unconditionally Love ourselves through compassion, understanding, and self-forgiveness...
We discover a love inside of us that has always existed...
But too often, we could not see...
Because there are no pre-conditions for unconditional love, no pre-requisites...
Unconditional Love is boundless, It is infinite...
There's a never-ending supply...
An eternal wellspring for ourselves, and to share with others...
For when we finally realize the Unconditional Love within...
We are brimming, we are overflowing...
There is no longer any need to hold back...
We can give without any expectation of return...
For we always have some left in reserve for ourselves...

When realizing Humanity's deepest desire is to connect...
And we're attentive to the cues revealing the innermost desires of those surrounding us,
Their innermost concerns...  that which their heart desires...
When realizing true love is indeed and always has been free...
We no longer need to hesitate...  We can act without fear, without delay...
To help, to lend a hand, a kind word, whatever it is an individual's heart is calling out for...
We can be fully present for others...
We can love completely....
 In all directions.........

Love Consummated

Deep deep soulful eyes drawing me in,
Drawing me near...
Filling my heart to crescendo...
Fists clenching tender hands...
A fire brewing, stirring,
A violent firestorm, whirlwinds, heavier and heavier...
A gaze so deep, so intense, yet so soft...
Piercing my countenance...

Till a rapture of flames jolting my whole being into submission...
Releasing, shedding barriers perceived...
Expanding into wholeness as tensions slowly go limp...
Tears welling up within...
Breathing heavily... slowly...
Overcome with the beauty before me....
A wave of warmth courses the body...
Relaxation, letting go... sinking in...
Becoming one with all of creation...

...Oneness realized.

Love is not The Addiction.

Love is not The Addiction,
But rather what can potentially blossom during The Withdrawal...
What can blossom during The End of Addiction...

During the times of heavy storms...
During times of most difficult challenge...

It's easy to sail when waters are calm and smooth,
But to brave the storms, the roughest waters openly... courageously...
Waters deepen, the soul expands allowing Love to truly flourish...

Beware of Feelings of Entitlement

Be wary of feelings of entitlement..
For entitlement sucks out the Grace inherent from the act of Giving...
People are not obligated to give, they choose to give...
A sense of entitlement removes opportunities for Gratitude and Appreciation...
Remove the "ought" and the "should" when viewing the acts of others...
Give credit to Volition, to Conscious Choice...  Their Choosing to Share, Their Choosing to Give...

Freedom

Consciously Choosing and Committing to an action,
Rather than being drawn by the allure of the carrot on a stick.
Owning an action,
Rather than being tethered by fetters of impulsive desire or escape...
Having Courage to experience something exactly how it is in its full intensity...

Lead with Courage

Lead with heart-wide-open...
As if a rag doll pulled by a marionette string...
A force full of honesty, strength, and love...
Be drawn without fear...
And if with fear cast aside doubts...
Have faith in the heart's desire...
Be willing to burn, be willing to be tore up...
Let the strongest desires from within seethe...
Let the soul in its deepest brewing seep, expand, branch out into vectors of infinity.