FInally gathered enough courage to do some Tonglen today...

I've been avoiding doing the practice... Well frankly... lately I've felt like crap...
And I wanted to avoid giving myself even more pain via the practice...

I finally mustered up enough courage to practice...
My heart ached while doing it...  I wanted to cry...

Though it's strange...
There is some residual ache from the practice...
And it feels concentrated around my heart...
Yet I feel so much better now...

Gone is the diffuse pain I was feeling...
Gone is the disconnectedness I felt...  feelings of loneliness...
The diffuse pain I was running from...
And now I feel "Happy Hurt" if that makes any sense...

I guess it's a reminder to be more courageous when facing things uncomfortable.
With "courage and an open heart "seems to change the effects.
With the open heart, sadness and a deeper sense of happiness can coexist...

And all of the sudden I feel more compassionate again...
I feel more connected...
I feel happier despite any aches...