Musical Mental Framework

The chosen key, mode, and/or scale, affects the pattern the brain latches onto and the paths it tries to follow toward some conclusion. 

The Meaning of Creative Content to me:

 Creative Content that lands can potentially become a source of Culture, Community, Connection, and Comfort. As humans, our ability to create and subsequently learn from each other... along with our ability to participate, reproduce, and engage in shared work...  gives us the ability to connect outside of our immediate physical space and time. The content we hold in our hearts has the ability to reach and connect far and wide in all directions.

The Uncomfortable Emotions as Sources of Motivation

 From what I have seen and experienced, uncomfortable emotions can be used as motivation to go in the direction we wish, as a means to meet some of our needs. It seems like there is an avoidance approach, proactively seeking ways of attaining the opposite emotion. There also exists the delving approach, going deeper or sitting with an uncomfortable emotion and using the discomfort as a driving force for change.

Anger... Fear... Loneliness... Sadness... These can inspire one to act in accordance with one's own needs or values. Anger can drive one to help others, pushing one to act when one normally wouldn't. Anger can help drive one to help oneself, often by taking a kind of oppositional rebelling mindset similar to "I will show them." Fear, loneliness, and sadness can drive one to seek external means of decreasing these things, trying to connect to what will help alleviate these things. If one sits with these uncomfortable emotions, it might inspire compassion and more compassionate behavior in oneself in relationship to others.

Uncomfortable emotions when used to help connect to others can help drive change in a manner that helps meet the needs of many, not just of oneself. Or it could have the opposite impact, making one fall into the mindset of feeling isolated and disconnected, thus less inclined to meet the needs of others as one feels starved. Different approaches and mindsets to our discomfort can have many varied results... And it seems each person has a tendency with one approach or mindset over another as a means of coping, as well as what seems to work best for the individual.

Expressing One's Own Truth Can Help to Clarify Hidden Truth in Others

 Expressing one's own truth, the workings of one's own mind... Letting our Voice be heard, it can serve as food for those looking clarify and solidify their own truths, especially when finding areas of similarity. By recognizing ourselves in the words of another, our voice becomes clearer. When our Voice becomes clearer, we can reach those who long to be reached.

Inclusion Magic

 Related to my previous post... it seems like some people have the ability to take material that has the huge potential to create feelings of Exclusion, but present them in a manner that creates Inclusion instead. To me it seems like magic. Perhaps it's because they are linking to a more general story that everyone can relate to on some level or perspective.

Open and Easily Revealed

 There is a quality in others I am discovering I admire greatly... It's one of being very openly honest about experience, from what might be considered uncomfortable, even embarrassing... And somehow combining it with the other side of the spectrum, sharing in a manner that is enlightening, inspiring, and uplifting for others... sharing insights and observations that may be readily apparent but are covered by a thick haze. From fear, doubt, and sorrow... to hope, dreams, and joy... Revealing both sides of the coin that try to move us towards Life itself... The parts that make us quintessentially Human... Our warts, our Beauty...

By being revealing, casting a light onto the darkest of dark... Making what feels uncomfortable seem more okay... These people allow others to free themselves from some of the chains of fear, embarrassment, shame, and guilt: the binding emotions that can keep people from being their best selves in relationship towards each other. At the core of their openness is a strong willingness to try to help bring other people up along side with them... There is a sense that we are all in this journey together. Sharing in this manner helps to connect what feels like separate parts, revealing a more complete picture, the wholeness of a person... the wholeness of All Persons... Making sacred those things we may wish to keep hidden and secret... Creating a sense of Okayness for who we are as Human Beings, wherever we may be for a given moment. We are all living, and trying to live as best as we know how, as best as we are able, as best as we can.

Find And Remember Your Deepest Sustenance

Find and remember that which touches your Core

That which fills and soothes your Deepest Cracks

The Sustenance that brings you closer to your Fullest Being

The Personal Story or Narrative I Believe In Most

 When I am able to remember, it seems like the story or narrative I believe about myself the most is one of "The Soul Searcher." I seek out those gates that help me feel glimpses of "My Soul", or what I subjectively perceive as feeling like soul. 

I try to find those gates over and over again

With the hopes that each time I fall asleep

Each time I lose touch and awareness

Each time it feels like I have forgotten...

I will remember a little more each time

I will be able to hold onto that sense of Home

Even after traversing in a different direction

Hoping I will be able to continually find my way back...

My Musical Desire

 When I am able to remember clearly what I want... remembering what first drew me towards trying to play music in the first place... I suddenly remember my deepest desire with music is to be moved so deeply that it feels like a kind of religious experience... it feels transcendent... numinous... like prayer... As if both giving and receiving at the same time... Linked to a different space or place... The flood of warm chemicals permeating and filling every break, every crack within me... and I am comforted, soothed, and more complete for a short period of time...

I am not sure why, but often the thing I wish to remember and experience the most... it seems so easy to forget and lose touch with... That hidden well that seems to exist within seems to easily disappear from the surface of consciousness... until lucky enough to catch and feel a glimpse once more...

The Possessive Power of Symbols and The Collection of Thought Connected to Those Symbols

 Symbol has the power to connect to deep facets of our psyche. When connecting to needs related to survival needs, often without knowing it, we can be entranced by the associated thoughts connected to a symbol.

A wedding ring, a gesture of goodwill and caring, a phrase, a flag... Creating connection through our abstract deep thoughts related to survival... Our longing to live, feel supported, with the aid of others. Our longing for safety and access via status or affiliation.... Under the possessive power of a symbol we become willing to go to extreme lengths in order to satisfy the underlying impulses and urges towards life and its continuation.

We are even willing to give the best of ourselves... We are even willing to kill... driven by the symbols we have surrendered to... the underlying forces we have surrendered to...

Simplified Human Affirmation and Conception of "Good"

They are evil... I am good

It's not me.... It's them

Multiple Motivational Mindsets to Help Energize Individuals Meet Needs and Goals

 It seems different individuals respond best to specific motivational mindsets when trying to meet their needs and achieve their goals or desires. Finding and adopting a Best Fit Mindset for an individual seems to be helpful, versus a mindset that isn't as helpful for the individual.

Off the top of my head... a few different Motivational Mindsets I have observed:

- Advancement/Status/Opportunity/Power/Privilege/Mastery: A mindset with the idea that one can better one's position in order to gain things they desire... access to more resources, the possibility of increased security by gaining more resources, feeling admired and/or respected, social mobility...

- Social Approval/Belonging/Support: A mindset of doing things for others or for groups one associates with. This can include making those in perceived power proud (teachers, parents, guardians, coaches, bosses, etc) and gaining their support, favor, and approval. An individual "does things for others", helping them to better blend in and assimilate to group expectations. An individual might also seek social support from peers, friends, social groups they belong to, organizations, etc. An individual might attempt to show their allegiance to a group by demonstrating that they meet the expectations and beliefs of the group, by advocating group values and fighting against those who do not espouse the same values and expectations.

- Stimulation/Excitement/Seeking/Arousal: A mindset that involves different subsets of strategies dealing with a need for constant stimulation, seeking out new rewards and possibilities. This often involves curiosity, learning, and exploring what can or might be. "It seems like this might be true. I will explore this further to see if that is the case." "What will happen if I do this?" "What kind of excitement can I feel when trying this out?" "What are the boundaries and limits? Of this activity? Of my ability?" Sometimes this mindset can take the form of a reactionary Rebellious Mindset in the form of "I will prove the naysayers wrong! I will show that this is possible when they think it isn't."

There are probably many more, but based on people I know, these are the one's highlighted in my head. We likely engage in all the Motivational Mindsets to some extent, but it seems people are more energized by some mindsets more than others.

I am definitely most energized by seeking and exploration, wanting to continue to learn new things, and wanting to know what is possible for me as an individual, and what fits best for me as an individual. I do wish to be liked and supported by others, as well as having influence and social standing... But I get the most done the mindset of curious exploration, and at times rebellion.

My General Philosophy for Now: Walk Along the Path of Slight Resistance

 My adopted mindset for now is to keep meeting my edge while walking in the direction I think I want to head... To embrace slight feelings of discomfort, to use resistance in order to grow and create new possibilities... To also embrace feelings of uncertainty as I tread along a path with a vague sense of desire to head in a certain direction... To go along with the compass, while not knowing why I really want to go there, and not knowing what destiny awaits beyond the dense overgrowth...

The Comedic Dance of Trying to Be Seemingly Opposite Things

 I want to be spontaneous, flexible, responsive, and adaptive towards my environment...

Yet, at the same time I also want to be focused, consistent, unwavering, and persistent in my pursuits...

Oh the madness these seemingly opposite things have caused my brain...

I want to be considerate and thoughtful of other people's needs, trying to help them meet those needs...

Yet, at the same time I wish to be self-ful, making sure to address and meet my own needs and desires...

The dance of trying to balance the two seems challenging, because each takes its own time and energy...

I want to be hardcore and steadfast... And at the same time I want to be light and playful...

And so on 

And so on

And so on...

The Core Social Being Desire: Social Support

Social beings tend to rely on each other in order to fulfill some of their basic needs, each person playing a role within the interdependent system.

Human beings, with an awareness of some of the more abstract, desire both physical support (things like food, shelter, physical intimacy, etc to support the physical body) and Psychic support: That abstract area related to emotional, mental, spiritual kinds of support.

The desire for affirmation in the mental realm, related to our personal beliefs, narratives, philosophies on how life is best served tend to be extremely strong in humans. We tend to want affirmation of others, showing that we too belong in the context of a group.... that we are valued by others... that others will help support our mental narratives and beliefs. We want to be supported for "who we are" in the context of a group. Even the "rebellious" who advocate that people "be themselves" often seek expression and an audience to feel affirmed that their actions are valuable and worthwhile to other people.

We want what comes from forming groups: Support that comes in the form of assistance when needed, allies, care and protection from potential harm. Humans desire care for The Whole Being.

Outer Input Versus the Inner Mind

Sometimes outer inputs affect and line up with the inner mind creating a kind of agreement between the two places of perception...

Sometimes they somewhat line up...

Other times the outer and inner can seem very much independent, with one creating a more dominant state of perception and experience over the other.... The different realities can be happening at the same time, both perceived by consciousness to some degree, but one state may sometimes become more hidden from view.

Missing My Emmee

This vague feeling of emptiness

Pierces through and through

At this moment if I could have a wish

It would be to come back to you...

I miss you, Emmee. It's been four days and I miss you so much.

The Storehouse of Reactions to Experiences

A storehouse to the myriad of human experiences one can have, serving as a means to understanding living itself and what it is we as living beings desire and hope for... A guide for making decisions on how to follow a path we believe to be fulfilling as living breathing beings...

Fear of Potential Impending Loss

I choke on my coughs

Balls of tightness within 

Bloom from the depths

I retch as I try to catch my breath

The searing heat caught within my throat

Breathing... broken...

Life's rhythm potentially altering

Another course currently unknown...

As I keep trying to inhale... exhale... inhale... exhale...

Play Amongst Social Beings in Nature

Play amongst social beings, in young animals helps to hone survival skills, while simultaneously establishing hierarchy and role within a group context. Young animals "fight it out" or play fight so that there will be less fighting in the future amongst those that follow previously established positions or roles... Play isn't "all fun and games."

Drift

Wandering, floating, drifting off into space

Wondering if caught in some unseen orbit

Watching, observing, looking for any signs of life

Secretly hoping to see the largest of suns

2020: A Time of Highlighting Our Survival Strategy Narratives

By bringing many closer to the mindset of "experiencing one's own mortality", 2020 seems to highlight many of our survival strategy narratives: The things we are fearful of, what we believe to be important, and what we believe are the best ways to go about addressing those things.

Fear-aggression seems rather apparent, where what looks like expressions of dominance and strength are actually signs of underlying feelings of vulnerability. Strong expressions of bravado, brandishing signs and symbols of what look like to be power and strength masking strong underlying feelings of fear...

Fear of the unseen or unknown or unfamiliar... There is fear of an unknown novel threat that increases odds of dying sooner. There is fear of what to do and how to survive with a lack of accessible resources or a lack of monetary means to secure basic needs such as food and shelter. For some there is a fear of unseen systemic forces... a fear of being taken advantage of by the unseen forces of the world at large... Some have a fear of new technologies and their potential effects... Some have fear of medicines and their effects... Some of fear of mainstream thoughts... Some have fear of those they view as having extreme radical thoughts...

And when pushed towards our own edges of fear, so often we can easily be Transformed Into A Source of Fear for others or for ourselves. Our very thoughts can be a threat to Life itself, plunging us into states of mind where our actions begin to have the opposite intended effect: instead of contributing and supporting life as intended by our survival strategy narratives, we can easily become a source of destruction and death ourselves. Fear as a contagion can beget more fear all around. An emotion that is meant to protect us from harm can actually manifest and become a Source of Harm.

As humans who are also social beings, it is our tendency to want to feel affirmed in our own worldviews. We want to feel supported. We will tend to seek out those who support our mental realities, making it more of a physical reality in our minds, being affirmed by others. When we find others who share our own views, we feel like our "truth" is confirmed.

In general we also wish to be seen as "Good", and tend to try to seek out others who will confirm our own "Goodness." The feeling of being "Correct" is often equated as "Being Good" or "Being on the side of Right." Our strong overwhelming desire to be seen as good can become so polarizing that we suddenly become a source of Evil/Bad from another person's perspective. When we ourselves believe in our "Goodness" so strongly that we feel justified in taking action against those we believe to be "Evil", we can easily become a source fear, death, and destruction to others with an opposing viewpoint...

When Consumed By Fear we can view others or the world as a place full of Monsters, and by doing so, we easily become a Monster Ourselves...

A Narrative Question for The Living

Where does this interest, where does this desire possibly lead? What possible paths, what possible beginnings and endings will it create? Should we find out? If so, how can we find out? What are some things we can do to help satisfy and interest or desire?

Gravity and Uncertainty

A gravitational pull
Tugging from my center
Causing collisions
With my fear, my doubts, and my uncertainty

Continuously trying to tread the waters
Traversing the groundless ground
Hoping for a defined direction
Yet never fully knowing
And never feeling fully comfortable...

The only knowing I know...
Is that I must keep moving, keep treading...
Juggling and playing with the tension that rises and falls.

Labels of Identification sometimes Carry Hidden Underlying Attitudes

It seems as if many of the labels we use as a means of identification also carry along hidden undertones and attitudes. Our formed associations can create attitudes held by the person identifying with a label, or it can form attitudes by the people who don't identify with a label. (Inclusion and exclusion)

The most obvious underlying attitudes tend to relate to status. People can identify with a label and feel a sense of "pride". Or a label can also be connected to the opposite, a sense of "shame." Labels are sometimes also automatically given a certain status within a hierarchy, with some labels being given more clout, respect, privilege, etc.

It seems that it is the overall surrounding culture that helps to form the underlying attitudes... and these attitudes have real life consequences on people overall.

Uncertainty: Fishing the Unseen Waters

With uncertainty there are no guaranteed results. We can attempt to put in more effort, more learning, more this or that in help increase our odds... but with uncertainty, even all of that may or may not prove fruitful.

There exists one almost-for-sure-certainty though: Not dipping the line into the unseen waters where sustenance exists, will almost always result in coming up with nothing.

And sometimes sustenance actually exists in the very act itself, rather than the result of the act. To explore, to seek, to take a chance, to ask questions... To Do these things often brings a sense of fulfillment.

Learning sometimes Cuts Off Further Exploration and Learning

As we grow up and develop concepts in our head, our ideas that form sometimes lock us into our notions of the idea itself. I was watching a Ted Talk where the speaker asked the audience to "clap" and make the sound of thunder. She pointed out that adults tended to have a limited idea of how to clap, while children would "clap" in many other ways not considered by adults. Learning how to quickly get on with life, through the formation and reliance on our concepts, sometimes leads to missed opportunities not considered.

The Concept of "Complaining"

For those of us who focus on the idea or concept of "complaining", it implies an underlying belief that it is Not okay to voice one's own concerns, wants, and desires. It implies that we are Supposed To keep those to ourselves. As social beings who depend on each other, it is natural that we express our needs and how we believe others can help to fulfill those needs. There is potential joy to be had for those honoring those requests (the satisfaction gained from knowing we helped to contribute to life), as well as the joy experienced by recipients (knowing that we can count on others to help us and support us along our journey).

The Waters that Surface

A disturbance in the soil
Waters rise to the surface
A path previously unseen

To Grow

We are both able and limited
To grow is to explore, expand, and clarify those edges...

Integration and Self-Assuredness

It is my belief that when some kind of inner tension, usually related to fear, when it is finally resolved, there is a kind of Self-Assuredness where we no longer have to think about the thing. Our strong focus and want of something we believe will relieve our discomfort, it drops into the background of focused consciousness. The focus on prior ideas is replaced by a kind of faith that everything will be fine one way or another.

The concepts we hold onto can fall away. "Good", "Bad", "Positive", "Authentic", "Intelligent", "Empathetic", "Strong", "Worthy", "Deserving", "Right", "Correct", etc... The concepts that exist with attempts to build Self-Concept for the purpose of underlying survival desires... Concepts such as "Freedom", "Security", "Stability", "Pride", "Status", "Group", "Affiliation", "Association", etc... Our hyperfocus will soften as our grasp onto life relaxes a bit. We can live out a belief, a concept, while letting go of the apple in the jar.

Strings of Fear

Strings of Fear pulled ever so slightly
To reveal threads buried much much deeper

An unseen collective threat
Potentially feeding a voracious and vicious cycle

Consumed or Not Consumed
It is difficult to tell...

My Personal Wishes

One of my main personal wishes is to be more skillful in honoring where people are and trying to work with that knowledge to find ways of connecting. I also wish to acknowledge where I am, and acknowledge my own edge and limitations for doing some of those things I hope for or want, and finding ways to work within known edges.

Making Space for Learning Complex Coordinated Movements

For myself, I find the best approach for learning complex coordinated movements (like playing a musical instrument or playing a sport) involves making space for learning by being both a participant and an observer, instead of having the frame of mind of taskmaster and slave. The learning happens when I Let It Happen instead of when I try to Make It Happen. If I can trust in the body's innate ability and wisdom to learn, without holding on too tightly, while still remaining attentive, then learning seems to go more smoothly and on its own mysteriously. It is as if there is a linking of conscious attention with an underlying unconscious process of learning the complex movements. There is intent by the mind, but it is held onto lightly with space for the sake of trusting in the process of learning.

Connecting To The Inside: The Underlying Goal

Continually seeking and finding the wellspring
The deep inner expansiveness that exists within
To touch what feels like The More

The Psychic Ecosystem

Each mind seems to attempt to cultivate, maintain, promote, and continue some Specialized Facet of Life and Living through the development of beliefs, mindsets, or frames of mind. Each way of being and thinking continually interacts with other ways of being and thinking in a Dynamic Psychic Ecosystem. There seems to exists varied interaction strategies including both cooperation and competition, with attempts at both coexistence and psychological hegemony, influence, and dominance. Within the psychic ecosystem, each mind will attempt to live on in some form or another, believing in the Truth of its own way.

The Tree of Consciousness: Each Fruit Also Comes Packed with Inner Craziness

Along with Gifts of Specialized Consciousness, the tree's fruits are packed with Inner Craziness. The process of distillation is potent and seems to teeter on the edge of Giving Life and Taking Life.

The Universal Journey: Our Encounter with Fear

As humans, our Strong Desire for Life is often most reflected through the experience of Fear. How we encounter or deal with our fears creates numerous potentialities. Each time we encounter fear, we encounter our desire to preserve our own life. We are given numerous opportunities, numerous options and paths for how we deal with our innate desire.

Each step we take along this universal journey stokes the most creative and destructive latent potentials that exists within all of us. Each step, a planted thought, a planted seed that can manifest and spread throughout our own being, and the beings around us. As human beings, our super power is our ability to take what exists within our mind, our mental landscapes, and create something that exists in physical reality. A lot of our environment is a result of what we manifest through our minds.

What exists within our own minds we will keep encountering over and over again. Our encounter with fear is probably the most important journey of all when it comes outcomes related to Life and Living itself.

A Frame of Mind that Links to Our Underlying Instincts: The Greatest Potential for Creation and Destruction

As humans we are uniquely Plastic in our thinking and our behaviors. We can greatly shape our thoughts and behaviors, thus the importance of education and the environments and systems we are immersed in. When a frame of mind is able to strongly tap into and align with some of our most powerful instincts, our greatest potential for creation and destruction manifest.

Our survival instincts related to emotions of love and fear, when distilled, can create mental changes that can affect our physical world. We can be moved to strong action. We can adapt in such a way that we create something completely new. When we link our old underlying instinctual foundations with our ability to adapt we can be at our most potent... A raging beast scratching and clawing for its own survival... A conscious being aware of the experience of consciousness itself, aware of the varied and collective desires that exist within all that lives...

Art, Religion, Culture, Science... To Innovate while trying To Preserve. The blazing fires can make malleable or can engulf and destroy.

Music and Emotionally Charged Events

In U.S. culture, music plays such a vital part during emotionally charged events. During celebrations of elation like weddings or parties... During mourning like at funerals... And during huge social events where people are in need of keeping their spirits lifted.

It is strange that something like playing music is both seen as vital, yet at the same time also seen as a frivolous activity.

The Desire to Hold Onto a Perception of Goodness and Self-Worth

The desire to hold onto a one's perception of one's own goodness and self-worth is often a cause for havoc that exists in our world. At great cost, we hold onto perceived notions. We wish to hold onto status and ideas that we are worthy and good people. We are even willing to harm others who we believe to stand in the way of the images we cling tightly to. We sometimes spin tales in order to create a "truth" we find palatable. "If I am good, then others out there must be bad."

Magic Continues to Exist in This World

Magic continues to exist in this world, taking on many forms. That which is in our minds, our hearts, our dreams... The contents which are invisible within us, we continue to find ways to manifest them in the concrete world in a manner felt and experienced by the living. All that we are able to create is evidence of the Magic that continues to exist in our world. We are all continually manifesting something within this world based on our inner experience.

Shaping Thought To Align with My Mental Reality: Fulfilling, Enjoyable, Enriching

Over the years I realize the same action can be done with various frames of mind. For the sake of motivation, I find it best to shape thoughts or frame of reference in a manner which that lines us best with my own mental reality, my home base or territory where my mind tends to reside. I find going too far outside of the bounds of what I consider my core will result in massive amounts of resistance from within.

I find anything deemed compulsory, or the use of fear, guilt, embarrassment, and shame results in a state where I am at constant odds with myself. The use of force, or anything that goes against my perceive sense of autonomy will result in backlash. It is best if I can frame an action in a manner where I can clearly identity a sense of fulfillment from engaging in the action. If I believe that an action will ultimately add enrichment to my life, I am more willing. If I can find something within the action that I find enjoyable (it could be the fun from the challenge or exploration, it can be the pleasure of doing the thing itself, it can be how I feel during or after, etc) I am going to want to continually engage, seeking more enjoyment each time.

Overall I find I am so locked into my fishbowl that I have to find ways of dealing with my fishbowl. I have to adapt to the foundation of what is already there in order to create new pathways and changes.

No Immunity to Novel Viruses

I guess this is what it must have been like for native populations who lacked exposure and immunity to virus brought over from people from foreign lands... The whole world now gets to feel Vulnerable to a novel virus that no one has been exposed to before...

Spinning and Weaving Stories

Talking heads, spinning and weaving stories
So that they may fall into a cushioned web
A cushioned web of blissful delusion
Sprawled out with the smuggest of smiles
Comforted by feelings of beliefs of being right

Cold Uncomfortable Rain

Rain can be very cold and very uncomfortable.... Yet the rain is vital for growth

The Shape of Thought

This malleable but not malleable thing
Affecting all that was, all that is, and all that will be
Sending us through the paths of time:
The Shape of Thought

Momentum Based Motivation

The state or cycle I am currently in will greatly influence what is likely to happen in the next moment, the next hour, the next day, etc... until the cycle plays out to completion. Altering the current inertial state can help movement spiral in one direction or another...

More Carrots On A Stick: The Personal "Pet" Project

The more personal a project is to me, even if I don't know why I want to do something, the more energy and enthusiasm I have to do the project, even if it is quite difficult.

Pet Project

I keep petting my pet project...
Without knowing if it really loves me...

My Carrots On a Stick

I am always trying to figure out what are my main motivators.... Recently I realized: "I don't know, but I would like to find out if possible." is a very very strong motivator for me. What is "possible" could be latent potential, or it could be more possibilities for learning or doing, or I might want to fulfill my curiosity itself with a simple "Yes" or "No"... I won't know the answer unless I give it a shot to see what happens....

How I define "Growth"

To me Growth means becoming more skillful at doing things that help to enrich Life. Everyone has their own unique callings, predispositions, situations, etc... So part of growth is identifying ways we can enrich Life, and then finding ways to become more skillful at doing those things, thus becoming better at contributing to Life.

Desired Results and/or Desired Experience

It seems most people tend to lean one way or another when it comes to pleasure, enjoyment, or quality of life.

It seems some people focus mostly on the results of actions, helping them to enjoy more comfort, pleasure, etc.

While some people tend to focus more on the enjoyment gained from the experience itself, and thus are more motivated by more moment-to-moment engagement.

When we are in our element or in a state of being like flow, it seems we can enjoy both the Results and the Experience.

Confessions of A Dabbler

I am a casual broad learner who loves to learn things for fun. I jump from topic to topic, book to book, learning project to learning project... And at the same time, a part of me beats me up for not sticking to things, for not doings things on a more consistent basis. As much as I would like to deepen my knowledge and really hone and polish skills I have picked up along the way, my strong urge and impulse towards new and shiny things almost always wins out.

While not deep or polished, my explorations are broad. By striking While The Iron Is Still Hot, I have managed to create random collections: Books I have read on various topics, Photographs I have taken using various subjects, Journal entries I have written based on wherever my mind was at the time, Occasional Poems, Music I have put together or covered as current passions dictated, Shared Knowledge between myself and others...

I think the dynamic between the haphazard-casual-learner-Me versus the aspiring-towards-compulsory and consistent-taskmaster-hoped-for-me will continue. I think I will continue to feel guilt over my lack of consistency. While not deep or polished, I hope to be able to take solace in how broad and varied my explorations are. My desire is to continue to learn and do new things, and I am indeed fulfilling that want. Perhaps if I were more disciplined I would know more, and I would be able to do more of the skill-based things I want to do with more aplomb... But for now, I can take some comfort in looking at my collection that is kind of neat *breaks out in Ariel Little Mermaid voice.

Just NOT Doing It: Questioning What I Feel Compelled To Do

There are things I have felt the need or desire to do, then I do them without much fuss or questioning. An example is my desire to write down my thoughts in a journal, which started in college. It is something I just wound up doing without questioning. It is something I Just Did, and I feel it has helped to enrich my own life.

But then there are other things where a strong desire sprung up, and yet I have found myself questioning: "Why Am I Doing This?", "Is this something I can commit to?",  "Is it worth my efforts?", etc. With a plant-based diet, it was something I vacillated over a period of months, experiencing a lot of inner dissonance and instability. When I finally settled in and decided, although difficult, it was something that brought me personal fulfillment and a sense of groundedness, and that was enough.

With my random desires to do things that in my mind are potentially frivolous, I have trouble Just Doing It. Things like music and photography, which I find myself wanting to do, I keep questioning why I do it, or what the point is, etc. The act of constantly questioning and Just NOT Doing it has been a constant source of mental and emotional instability. And yet I find myself coming back over and over again to this flame which stirs up all of my inner-crazy...

"I Would Like To Know..."

What happens next...

If others can see what I think I am seeing...

What I can do if...

Is It Possible Now?

I am someone who feels strongly compelled to seek out possible answers to questions. Though, once I feel I get the gist of the answer, then I often lose motivation to continue seeking. What I tend to fail to consider is the changing circumstances.

I never frame a question as "Is it possible now?" given the current circumstance. Can I learn this thing at my current age? condition? situation? etc. Each moment gives a potentially new question that I hadn't considered before because circumstances do continue to keep changing.

The Rules of Our Environment

As if in a dream
We follow the rules of our environment
Laying out a path in the storyline

"You Must Comply to Avoid Punishment"

As if by Invisible Strings We Buy In, We Participate:

You kids won’t get toys if you don’t behave and if you question the existence of.

You must be dutiful and loyal in order to avoid being ostracized.

You must do things in the manner that we want, or we will label you, so you carry this mark of shame.

We will suspend you and stop you from attending this thing you don’t even want to attend in the first place. This will go on your permanent record.

You must acquiesce to the rules we have decided, or face an unseen punishment you can’t even begin to imagine.

Following Through on Spontaneity

A lot of people talk about "Directing One's Will." I think the approach that works better for me is to "Follow through on spontaneity." If I suddenly think about something, then it is helpful for me to follow through on any related actions connected to that thought. Probably not the best for social behaviors. lol. But it seems to help for random tasks such as skill building.

Advice, Mantras, and Narratives

A lot of advice people give tends to be advice that works for their own psychology. There is a tendency to say "This is the right way to think!", when in fact it is likely the best way to think for that particular psychology.

To Be Deferential? Or Not To Be Deferential?

When we choose to be deferential or not deferential... I wonder how that affects our interactions and relationships with others. And why do we choose to do one over the other? How does that affect our relationship or feelings about ourselves?

Pleasure and Pain Exploration

I seem to be really in tune with my own feelings of pleasure and pain, yet at the same time, I am often unaware of what will trigger pleasure or pain within me. I find it takes a lot of trial and error and many experiences to get a general idea of what will usually trigger pleasure or pain within me... and at the same time, my reactions are not always consistent, varying in presence and intensity.

Integration Goals

My own tendency is that of avoidance, and yet I have an overall goal of integration.

I notice some people have a tendency of going towards and combining, and yet also have goals of trying to differentiate and separate.

It's as if each tends to exist in one territory, but seeks to go towards the other.

The Vicious Cycle of Unmet Needs

There seems to exist a kind of vicious cycle related to unmet needs. When the needs we consistently prioritize keep going unmet, we develop feelings of frustration and desperation. We fall into a kind of Fight of Flight mode since we feel we are in danger.

If we start to use an aggressive Fight strategy to get our needs met, trying to demand more of others, we potentially start to drive people away, creating another Unmet Need, one that is very core to our psychology as social beings: Our need for connection and support from others. This potentially Further Increases feelings of frustration, desperation, and fear.

If we use a flight mode, trying to passively demand more of others, or to try to preemptively protect ourselves through avoidance, we directly lose our connection with others through our act of separation. Increased fear, loneliness, and anxiety potentially creep in as we try to preserve the remaining connections we still have, fearing a loss of those connections and sources of support. But the very guarded nature of trying to protect oneself, often creates a barrier that pushes people away, leading to the very thing that is feared: loss of connection and support.

Finding The Best Fit Narrative

When dealing with living life, everyone needs some kind of narrative in order to navigate and cope based on our individual predispositions and learned ways of doing things. In an ideal world, each person would find the narrative that best suits them and helps them live life as best as they can.

"Choose experiences over items." "Be positive." "Open space for others." "Find your passion. Find your voice." "Live your life to your fullest." "Just do it." "Sacrifice and hard work for others." "Be innovative." "Think outside of the box." "Think inside the box." "Get out of your comfort  zone." "Stay true to what is tried, tested, and true." "Respect those who came before you." etc, etc, etc...

Sometimes it can be a maze to find out which sets of narratives work best for an individual or a group. Each tends to promote a specific mindset that works better for some, but not others. The "Golden Rule" of do unto others as you would want them to do unto you... often can have disastrous results because people often want or prioritize different things.

Mixed Messages on Mental Health

On one hand: "If you're hurting, feeling lonely, depressed, suicidal, etc... talk to someone." encouraging people to open up.

On the other hand: "Stay positive. Cut out negative and toxic people out of your life." encouraging people to stay positive, while simultaneously and unwittingly stigmatizing and shaming people who experience difficult uncomfortable "negative" emotions.

For those who experience heavy uncomfortable emotions, knowing who to trust becomes a tricky endeavor to navigate. (spoken from firsthand experience) As social beings, the threat of being ostracized can be quite scary.

Thought Containers

Within all of us we have collections of Thought Containers... From preconceived notions, to learned ideas, to ways of thinking related to both nature and nurture... Our cultural myths, stories, narratives, and norms... Our beliefs and how we understand the world... The signs, symbols, words, gestures we have come to know, along with their explicit and implicit meanings...

All of these thought containers affect both how we take in and further understand the world, and how we interact and take action within the world. So often we abide by what we know and what we have come to know without question. We take action without too much conscious thought, taking comfort in, and relying on what we know for guidance. Our notions become a way of life with widespread implications, some intended and some unintended. We all have our "Red pills and Blue pills," often without knowing how or why our conceptions came to be...

Social Value Exchanges

Often times it is very difficult to know where we stand in the eyes of others, what kind of value we bring to their lives. We often need others to reflect back out value in the form of feedback. The actions we take in relationship to others is valuable. And so is the feedback we offer to let others know of their value to us. Very abstract Social Currency is made more concrete in the form of feedback.

Reconciling Seemingly Conflicting Cultural Messages?

Sometimes I wonder how on earth do we reconcile what seems to be conflicting cultural messages. In the U.S. a big message is one of engaging in competition... Be ruthlessly competitive! On the other hand, when someone dies, all of the sudden everyone says to make sure you tell people you love them.

I feel like a lot of holding back on love has to do with competition... We fail to give more of ourselves because we want to hold on to as much status as we possibly can. To acquiesce is to potentially lose some ground, when on an unconscious level, we are desperately fighting for survival by trying not to give in.

So often by putting one's best foot forward in one area, it potentially means taking a step back in another area...

Wanting to See How a Story Plays Out and Unfolds

There is something very human about our desire to see how a story plays out. We'll binge watch a series to see how everything unfolds, even if we know the most likely ending to the story. If possible, we want to see how a series comes to conclusion... and find we are left hanging if the series gets canceled before a sense of resolution. We want those hanging notes to be feel resolved.

Tenacity, Ferocity, Focus, Drive

My college years were filled with admiration for the one I saw to have massive amounts of tenacity, ferocity, focus, and drive. I idolized and hoped to emulate those qualities. A mindset that helped me get through different things... A borrowed mindset, but a helpful one nonetheless...

Chasing My Own Star

With great vigor I selfishly chase my own star
Leaving a tremendous wake of grief, guilt, and sorrow
And yet crumbs of fulfillment and joy keep goading me on

Cloud Canvas and Light

When we look up at the daylight skies above
It's the presence of clouds that helps to reveal
The light we perceive as Most Beautiful

Amongst the waxing and waning swirling dance
Clouds act as the heavenly Canvas
While The Light paints The Way

The Subculture Created Through Environmental Interaction

Within each environment and within each group interaction, there tends to arise a subculture. As social beings we have a tendency toward conformation, going along with overall group goals (both explicit and implicit). A huge power of culture is its ability to activate various facets of our psyche, driving us to behave in various ways. And depending on our own individual tendencies, we might find ourselves going along with, or attempting to fight against the hidden tides and undercurrents. Culture can reveal different facets of who we are as humans.

Being exposed to multiple subcultures means exposure to different potentialities. We touch different frames of mind, which may help to amplify or inhibit our most current mindset. Those individuals seeking "inspiration", may be attempting to take advantage of our tendency to try to conform with those we come into contact with, attempting to reside within a mindset that helps one go toward individual goals, trying to borrow the influence of another's mind to further one's own goals. Individuals who are suddenly thrown into an environment very different from what they are used to, may find themselves changing in their own behaviors drastically as they are suddenly immersed into another subculture or culture.

Each subculture contact may leave residual effects in the psyche, leading to a kind of necessary dance, trying to deal with the different frames of mind or ways of seeing or being. One may find natural attraction or affinity toward one set, but not another. Or one may find that the influence of one subculture helps go toward some goals, but not others, leading to a quandary of which set of goals to prioritize. Tasting what it feels like to swim in one ocean may lead to longing if suddenly thrown in a very different and contrasting ocean. The dynamic dance of coexistence reveals itself, with the tendency to conform coming into contact with the desire to maintain one's own individual integrity. The drama of being a social being is made clear.

Treating Others Equally and Not So Equally

Part of our U.S. culture believes in the idea of equality and treating people equally, yet at the same time we also treat each person we come across differently, depending on who or what they each represent to us, within our own minds. Our preconceived notions of roles and potential interactions drive us to behave in different ways, even if we don't mean to.

Boredom as a Potential Productivity Tool?

When we think "Productivity" we typically think of staying focused, staying on task, with steady progress towards our goals of accomplishing and finishing tasks. Only now do I realize that Boredom can also serve as a tool for productivity, driving us to continue to find and or create new things that help to stimulate us.

For myself I continually want something to please my aesthetic senses, or to stimulate new thought related to my old thoughts. There is an initial honeymoon phase of excitement upon coming up with something new, which then quickly begins to fade as I once again become hungry. The hunger itself, a hunger for something fresh, can be a driving tool for productivity.

I often beat myself up over "not being productive." Suddenly after many years of chasing what I find stimulating, I have a small body of work in the form of photographs and written blog entries. I have long considered myself "lazy" and "unproductive", which I definitely am in some areas. But there are some areas where I am productive, even if it may not be as consistent or prolific as I might dream of. I hope perhaps one day some kind of tapestry I will be content will might reveal itself in time.

Shining Back into Our Own Eyes

The light we seek is often that of our own
A deep desire to have light shone back onto our own eyes
To understand our mysterious connection to others
To know our place, to know our value
How we fit into the vast ocean sky
The dancing gold dust that connects us to the infinite
To see others is to see ourselves
To see ourselves is to see others
We are the moon and we are the stars

Ego Hanging In The Balance

I find my ego tends to hand in the balance when interacting with those I admire and respect. It is as if I really want to be on their level. Though it can also hang in the balance in those areas where I really want to identify with. If anyone, including strangers somehow touches upon those areas, my view of my self will once again hang by a thread.

Role Expectation, Imagination, Interpretation, and Conflict

It seems that much conflict that arises between people has to with Role Expectations: How we Imagine people Should behave based on our own conception of what a Role entails, versus how actions actually play out, and our interpretations of those actions.

There are roles related to social hierarchy, believing people should behave in one manner or another, based on relative position. We each have beliefs regarding the roles of a leader vs. a follower... Boss vs. subordinate... etc. There exists our own interpretation of where we exist along this abstract structure we call social hierarchy. Differing interpretations or views is often a cause of conflict. Differing views on "Equal", "Greater", or "Less Than" will create conflict, as each attempts to claim what they believe to be rightfully theirs (with an underlying hope of getting their own needs met).

There are roles based on our connections to people: Our imagined definitions of "What a Friend is", "What a Mother is", "What a Father is", "What a Spouse is, "What an older or younger sibling is", etc. What we hope for and want is based on our own unique point of view, and what needs we believe each role is supposed to help fulfill in relation to each other. People's differing expectations based on their mind's conceptions can be a source of ongoing conflict, as imagination plays out against concrete actions and words, and our interpretation of those actions and words.

What is "The Inner Critic"?

I am beginning to think that "The Inner Critic" is a Preemptive Filter, an attempt to protect ourselves from social embarrassment in the eyes of others. We try to anticipate what others might think or say, and use those thoughts to try to avoid future loss of Social Capital. Our imagination makes the potential feelings of fear and embarrassment feel real in the moment, as The Inner Critic rehearses what might be said or thought by others. The imagination brings the feelings we are trying to avoid into the present, much like a dream.

As really young children, The Inner Critic likely doesn't exist until we gather enough social feedback through experiences with others, building a Social Capital Framework, where we know what is valued and not valued in the eyes of others. Our strong need to connect, belong, and feel valued in the eyes of others... our strong need to feel safe as we develop our own sense of self... probably results in the existence of "The Inner Critic."

Deeply Resonant Feedback from Others and "Following Our Bliss"

Through feedback, others often act like the Moon, reflecting back the light we can potentially Shine onto others. The comments that absolutely floor us, whether in the form of deeply resonant affirmations, or compliments that touch us to our core... Those are gifts that help to guide us towards identifying our deepest aspirations. The light shone back upon us serve as guideposts, as beacons for identifying our Home. The light helps us to do what Joseph Campbell suggests, which is to "Follow our Bliss."

Tools

Tools that are the right fit inspire confidence through ease and connectedness. Likely the same can be said of our mindsets and narratives, as they serve as tools for helping us live our lives in the best way we know how.

The Mirrored Identity: Pros and Cons

This imagined image we call "Identity", for some it can be a source of fulfillment through knowing ourselves more. The idea of "self-knowledge" perhaps creating a map to serve as a guide for how to live, act, create, etc.

Yet at the same time, this thing we call identity, it can also be a source of tension, wanting to feel safe in the eyes of others.

"Good" Defined Through My Eyes

Good- The perception that someone or something is helping to meet a goal related to a need or desire.