Deep down inside I think I feel shame... Shame that my heart is so slow to change... Shame that time doesn't heal as quickly as they say times is supposed to... There exists both rawness and tenderness I'm ashamed of... According to some made up rules in my mind, I'm no longer supposed to love... I'm no longer supposed to hurt... I betray my own feelings of betrayal... I try to ignore what I feel to be true inside of me...
Lately I'm overwhelmed... I miss the bliss I once had in my life, however fleeting that bliss was... I miss the drug, the feeling of melting with another... I feel trapped in my self-created dungeon... I don't know where these feelings are coming from. I thought I had already dealt with what exists in me...
My body won't let me lie. I keep trying to run but to no avail... I have trouble accepting this reality... To taste sweetness, then to have it taken away... What lessons am I supposed to learn? I feel so weak and helpless right now, the way I felt when wounds were fresh.
I feel hurt that's been buried inside... I also feel ripe, wishing for a way to cover up the hurt. I can't lie to myself... I miss the sweetness...
So how do I give myself the freedom to feel what's inside without feeling shame? How do I become more free with my emotions overall so that feelings don't continue to get buried or bottled up inside? So often I'm embarrassed by the feelings I feel... How can I find "okay-ness"?
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