Last Hurrah

Shining in boldest reds, oranges, and yellows
Until called once more to return to the Earth

The Ultimate Feeling For Me: Connection

So far in my experience, the ultimate feeling I have experienced is the feeling of connection... A feeling of connection that feels like it's of me, and also beyond me at the same time... There's a feeling of energy that envelopes and fills in all the crevices... There is joy... There is warmth... There is gratitude... There is love... And somehow honoring the feeling of connection itself, often intensifies those same feelings.

Roles We Play

We all play roles in this ongoing story we call life... So much of the role we play is based on the physical body and mind we occupy. Each physical body comes complete with inherent assumptions. We seek to validate our existence and our roles by looking to others, trying to see sameness; And yet at the same time we seek individual expression, attempting to free ourselves from sameness.

Past historical story lines create assumptions that are difficult to shake. Our psyches connect to commonly shared thought, or we connect to patterns that seemingly repeat over and over... How do minds and hearts change? Is there a purpose to the polarities that seem to be created from our tendency to both identify with and differentiate ourselves from others? Does each role play an important part of the bigger picture? And so often, no one wants to be The Bad Guy in the story, so we'll paint all others as the villain... So often we justify our actions based on a perceived storyline... Are there really bad guys and good guys? Is "bad" and "good" really so clear, distinct and separate from each other?

The Rug

The rug has been lifted
And thrown away
The demons of night
Now seen in day

The Standard We are Not

To hold ourselves to a standard that we are not, a standard we might never possibly attain= ultimate self-violence

I'm all for growth can working towards a more idealized vision of self... but how do we know what that vision of idealized self really is??? How can we tell what is truly attainable??? How does one know what is an authentic version of self? At what point in the path does it become more destructive than creative, when working toward an ideal or vision? I have no clue... I just know that the road of "self-improvement" can actually turn violent and aggressive toward ourselves (and toward others)... Perhaps it depends on How The Road is traveled... With what energy and intention... Perhaps there's the possibility of growth without grasping...

And how can I know when I am running away versus running toward???

Home

Both the beginning and the end of the journey...
To venture away and push against the elements
To reestablish center
Roots expanding
Core thickening...
Until heavens and the deepest recesses of the earth
United on a plane of in-between

Functional Ear Trainer after almost One year.

After a little more than 11 months, I finally got 3 or less wrong... I'm proud of my effort for sticking to something for so long... I'm not sure what will come out of this (if anything)... But I can happily say I actually stuck with something for an extended period of time...

Presence II

With you my being begins to swell
A whirlpool spun to crescendo
My center becomes clear
My axis, my orientation
I understand why I am here
I am here to love...

Presence

With you I feel more present
More of my being
Drawn out
Pulled to the surface
With you... I am more me

Dandelion Seed

Dandelion seed flying high in the sky
Others landing, planting roots
Dandelion seed tantalizingly coming so close
Drifting toward sweet earth
A graze, a touch, a light caress
A Taste...

But the mighty wind gusts
A dizzying swirl takes hold
Tossed into the blinding light of the sun
Until waking up to an infinite sea of blue:
A sight all too familiar
So far
So distant

Precarious Flight

Gossamer wings hover over certain death
Mincingly touching reflections from the sky
Life-giving in doses
A boundary most powerful
To delve too deep is to drown
To shy away for too long is to shrivel
For the weary traveler with parched lips
An eternal relationship most certain

Totality of a Situation?

Don't forget the totality of a situation: the light and the dark... remember what shines the most.

The Energy and feeling of Power from being Angry?

There's a strange kind of tempting energy to indulge in when angry. There's a sense of saying "I am right!", and the accompanying feelings of anger make us believe in the truth of our thoughts. But we can have dreams, which our minds interpret as real at the time, and the emotions felt during the dream are very much real... the energy cannot be denied.... and yet what was experienced was only a dream.

Indulging in anger brings on a sense of blame, a sense of victimhood... There's temptation to use those false feelings as justification for trying to exert power over others... power which does not see the other as deserving of kindness and compassion. The clouds that are created cause blindness toward the best parts of others and the best parts of ourselves...

How does one free oneself from the temptations of indulging in angry energy? There are times I want to remain angry and not let it go, despite knowing likely reasons for others acting in the way they act. I'm caught somewhere between understanding and feeling like a victim... purgatory...

Sun vs Blackhole

Learn to be a sun with life-sustaining, life-giving gravitational pull
Rather than a hungry destructive blackhole

A Dot

A dot? A speck?
When high in the sky
A Star

Tributaries

Along the way we may flow into different channels, different creeks, different coves
But ultimately we all flow toward the same source
We are all of the same source

Straying from the most direct course...

Every wiggle, every squiggle, something new learned... broadening perspective... broadening experience... revealing more of myself...

Perhaps this is the best way for me to learn... twists and turns, often in directions I wouldn't choose... but perhaps overall for the best... I cannot see all...

Glow In The Dark Writing?

What if there is knowledge that can only be attained in the dark? But it's writing that must first be bathed in light in order to be fully seen....

If there were a Parental Version of Myself

I think if there were a parental version of myself, parenting me... the parental version of me would say, "It's your responsibility to hone your talents... for yourself... for those around you... for the creative forces that went into you, the forces that have brought together the elements of your being, the You-ness of you."

A Compassionate Frame of Mind Versus A Judgmental Frame of Mind?

What enables us to engage in one from of mind over the other? I often wonder when we seek love, understanding, and seeing versus taking on a judgmental and more punishing frame of mind.

Each frame of mind creates different feelings within us... One creates a kind of inherent joy and grace within us, while the other creates afflicted feelings that are all twisted and unstable. So why does it seem easier to choose the latter when such feelings can be quite uncomfortable? Perhaps there's a secret pleasure in engaging in an afflicted way?

Sighs that Bust Me Open

Sometimes there are moments of seeing something that make us sigh, and immediately it feels like we're granted open access to our hearts, feeling the energy of connection that exists.

Perceptions and The Imagination

It seems like the interplay of our perceptions and the imaginal mind play a huge role in our actions and behaviors... Our perception of another being, how we imagine them to be can easily influence how we act toward that being.

To see a being as "beautiful" influences so much in our actions toward them. What happens when we see more and more beauty in all beings around us?

Scars Over Eyes

All of my wounds
Real or unreal
Cover my eyes

How can I tell
If what I see
Is true or untrue?

Rose Petals

Your petals so delicate
To be tended to, nurtured, cared for
Free to bloom and radiate outward
For all to bask in
Yet I want to grasp and possess
In the only way I know how
With tightest of clenched fists
Bleeding, throbbing, longing
Seething, insatiable thirst
Each squeeze of desire
Thorns impale deeper and deeper
Into this flesh and beyond

With this hunger
There is no in between
There is no middle way
The paths are clear
Holding on Or letting go,
I suffer

Loss of Loved Ones

All of the feelings and emotions stirred up... Reminders of the path, the goal...
To continue to try to serve life as best as I know how, for where I am...
To continue to try to love as best as I can, for who I am in this very moment...

I will always come up short in so many ways...
I will come up short for so many reasons...
But I wish to continue to learn how to Live better...
I wish to continue to learn how to Love better...

Perhaps Loss, Love, and Life are all intertwined...
Reminders of each other...

Trying to Remember what used to drive me...

I'm trying to remember what used to drive me prior to losing myself in the power of romance... Slowly I'm starting to remember as I reflect on what I used to wish for... I wanted flow states... The timeless, meaningful moments of full engagement... I wished for finding ways of being which allowed for more equanimity... And finally, one of my greatest desires was to be magnanimous... I only remember the word, but now I have to look it up... I can't remember what I wanted to be more like...

Now I look and wonder if grooved paths are set...

Moth

Flying the night sky
Beckoned by glowing light
A willingness to be burned
And freed from physical form

Once Again

Here you are, once again
Only this time in my imagination
You hold me close as lovers do
Keeping me warm
Comforting me
Helping me to feel connected to the more
Inspiring me, filling me with an energy
A desire to expand
To be more than who I am
A tear flows from my eye:
Reunion

Art Pieces as Mirrors?

I think part of the value of art is how a piece can help to reveal the viewer, and some of their subjective thought processes, as the viewer attempts to interpret a piece. The projections of the mind blending in with what is perceived...

Perceptions and projections always in a dance...

Random word thought of the day= "Real-ationship"

A Real-ationship involves honoring the totality of a person and what IS. Working with the Isness that exists between two people.

That Which Breathes Life Into Us

So often I'm unconscious, forgetting all the various things that breath life into us... From the elements... The air, the water, the sun, the nourishing soil... Shelter... Love and Connections... There is so much around, and yet I find myself falling asleep to it... forgetting all that breathes life into our Beings...

May I learn to have more reverence and gratitude for all the Is...

Space where I don't feel like a Space Cadet!

The space where I feel fully attentive, fully present in whatever or whomever I'm engaging with... I notice there is a special kind of joy, one of feeling very alive, yet calm and connected...

I find I often live for these moments... And now I begin to wonder how to open up more often to such moments...

Perhaps that's why I'm drawn to certain people... Somehow they can help trigger off or help me enter into that calm and connected space... where everything feels like it slows down a little bit... an alteration in time and the feeling of presence...

Why I Love to Practice

There's something magical that happens through concentrated persistent effort... With faith, changes happen, sometimes too little to notice in the moment... But after sustained effort, something we once could not do, suddenly becomes a reality... What was hoped for and imagined, springing to life, coming to fruition. A beautiful moving tune once out of reach, now flowing with life: Expression and communication heightened. A space for communion opens...

Putting Our Entire Being into Each Note

I was watching a google vid featuring Jake Shimabukuro, and while speaking to the audience he mentioned his efforts of putting all of his focus and energy into each of his gestures/strums/movements... essentially letting his essence or being flow throw the movement in the moment, concentrating on staying in that space...

I feel inspired, and hope to learn to put more of myself into those special moments... letting the energy that surges forth from me flow, touching and communicating with the unseen in all of us... I hope to learn to infuse more into each note, each moment... I want to learn to be more present when trying to connect...

Celebrating Life

For the most part I tend to take each moment for granted, not fully acknowledging the randomness of it all. The last few months I keep seeing people I know unexpectedly lose someone...

There are aspects of our lives that are out of our hands... Instead of saying "life is too short" I now find myself saying "Life is too random"...

At this moment, the randomness is a reminder for me to Celebrate Life more... moment to moment... as best as I can...

The words "Happy Birthday" or "Congratulations" seem to take on new added meaning after seeing so much loss around me...

Although I say all of this now... I find I'm easily forgetful when it comes to celebrating each of life's special moments...

It's my hope that I'm able to remember as best as I can...

Deep Sighs...

Today I sigh deeply... Sighing at what was... and now sighing at what is...
Situations change... what I wish to hold on to.... sometimes slipping away...

All I have left is the gratitude from the short moments in the sun...
Thank you for sharing that with me...

NVC Card Game: Core Need?

I am feeling Sad because I yearn for Harmony both for myself and for others.

Language of the Heart

It seems like finding different means of hearing the hearts of others, as well as mine... And also learning to speak from the heart via many mediums, words included... This seems like a constant area of continued exploration for me...

Lately I've come across Marshall Rosenberg's ideas of Nonviolent Communication... I feel the listening skills adds an entire new layer of listening to the hearts of others. Though at the same time I still find I get frustrated because of my need to be competent with the material so that I can better contribute to life, as Marshall would say. Allowing beings To Be, and allowing myself To Be, still remains a struggle.

As above, as below. As below, as above... The language we use with others, and the energy we use with others, is the same energy we use with ourselves. There is no separation. Any type of aggression in either direction creates life-alienating energy and language. To continue to speak and listen with the heart feels like a path toward freedom.

Contemplating "What is likely my highest goal?"

The repeated themes in photos I take or writing I partake in suggest... I want to learn To Freely Love with an open heart free of tinted lenses, free of the hardened shells that prevent proper seeing. I want to be able to see with clarity, the essence that exists in others, and learn to hear the deep inner callings. I want to learn to attend to that depth, so that the beautiful light within another is reflected back at them, so that they too can appreciate their own beauty...

What is Mourning?

Today I ask myself what mourning is... I'm thinking it's a celebration of something we loved dearly, but now have lost. Through our grief we show our gratitude at how we've been touched by whomever or whatever it is we mourn...

Moon Light

This is the way of being I seek...
That of soft reflective light,
so that others may see their own light,
and be calmed by the beauty of seeing oneself...
Seeing the inner-radiance that shines from within..
Honoring the light shared in between...

What is Love?

I don't know what love is
But I know I love you the way poets love
The words that flow through me are vestiges
They are shrines
They are symbols of my continued adoration

Evening Stars

And the Sun sets
Now I know which direction I must go
The Evening Stars beckon me
So much to explore
So much to take in
But I secretly hope to fall asleep
And to awaken to the warmth I long for

Invitation

What if we were able to hear every word or see every interaction as an invitation, as an opportunity to share in the inner life of another?

Mental Constructs and the Effects on the Psyche?

I've began to ponder mental constructs and how they possibly affect the psyche. I remember as a young child in 2nd grade, I recall my teacher suggesting to my mom that I participate in a program called Project Self-Esteem. It was a program featuring Harmony the Bear or something like that, and I guess it was supposed to teach young kids about Self-Esteem. Back then I didn't really want to participate, and opted not to. I also didn't know anything about the concept of Self-Esteem: It wasn't a concern, and it wasn't important at all.

I also recall as a very young child, grownups talking about me, giving me labels. One label I consistently heard was "Timid." I had no concept of what "Timid" was. I knew I was quiet, and that it implied some state of being quiet. But over time as I got older, I learned this concept, this word, this label is associated with a lack of strength. I remember being quiet as a child, but I don't ever recall thinking about being weak or being strong. Those ideas never crossed my mind until I kept getting older and older.

The word "anxiety" I never really understood until high school when I started to experience uncontrollable sweating and nervousness in front of others. The idea of "Self-Love" I never knew until my hormones kicked and I experienced not getting the person I wanted to want me back. As a child "Self-Love" was never a needed concept, it was never even a thing. It only became a thing when the idea of Self-Loathing arrived into my consciousness. The constant needing of approval from others created these new ideas of "Self-Love" and "Self-Hate." I wonder if these are even real things, or if they're mental constructs that arose out of our methods of controlling each other (and attempts at controlling ourselves) through reward and punishment. Without the aggression we show to ourselves and to others, I don't think the idea of "Self-Love" would even exist. It's a word that implies of a lack within, when there may have not been a lack to begin with. Our perceived lack may be a result of the punishment and reward system that we've been taught throughout our lives.

And ironically a new kind of mental construct or paradigm is needed in order to return to a state more similar to childhood before we learned of so many different concepts and labels: A mental construct that relies on intrinsic forces from within.

The Act of Breathing

Only when we breath can we be of greatest benefit to ourselves and to others.
We are at our best when we are full of life, full of inspiration.
Our best benefits the whole.

Learning and Growth And Two Ways of Being

Many of my struggles have involved learning and growth, and how to tap into a kind of faith in the unfolding...

Within us there exists this inner life that learns and grows through play. As tiny children we learn to move, we learn to talk in this manner. Part of our being or our makeup drives us in this direction, and we become fluent in our movements or in our language.

And then there is another way of being, a way of attempted learning through shame, punishment, guilt, and rewards. We use violence either inflicted upon others or inflicted upon ourselves in an attempt to learn and grow. We pay a high price for this method of learning, as people suddenly become authoritarians, obstacles, threats.

What's worse is when we suddenly start to apply this aggression toward ourselves. We somehow no longer have faith in our Inner Life that has always existed within us since we were born. We try to act as if we are God toward ourselves, and use a very destructive shaming God to get us to conform. No longer do we honor the light playful way of growth and being.

Inner Life just Is. And it will continue to attempt to unfold, even if we somehow try to intervene or even get in the way. It's my belief that part of our spiritual path is to find our way back to this way of being... A way of being that has faith in and honors our inner lives, while also having faith in and honoring the inner lives of others. And we learn that when we honor the inner life of another, we are really honoring part of our own inner life: Souls love to see Souls. Seeing is nourishment.

Self-Love Versus Romantic Love?

I think too often I get self-love mixed up with romantic love.

I'm so rebellious about the idea that I have to be anything when it comes to romantic love. I don't like that I have to fit labels, or some kind of look to be attractive and to be loved. But the reality of romance has some roots in evolutionary biology.

I think my rebellion is actually a product of my need to learn to properly self-love, but I'm projecting that upon the experience of romantic love. To self-love, I don't have to be anything. I just have to participate in the joy and love that is already available. I have to engage in love itself, satisfying the needs of my heart while simultaneously satisfying the hearts of others.

I think self-love comes from that space in between the bonds we share. By honoring the bond and the calls of the heart, we are immersing ourselves in self-love that requires no labels. It just Is.

Language that Creates Dependency and Power Struggles

There's language I have been vaguely aware of that creates a kind of dependency on others for our happiness, rather than partaking in the happiness and joy that is already present... There's a dark side to getting complimented, because it builds up a hungry image... an image that will need constant attention... an image that will need constant defense... and image that will need constant building... often relying on others in a very dependent manner.

Words carry so much hidden meaning and power, and it's important we recognize the dynamics created by the use of various words.

When the Heart Breaks for Others

When the heart breaks, the light of our humanity is exposed... In those moments of pain we suddenly touch upon some of our most sacred space... We touch upon our ability to love and feel for others who are not ourselves, but are still of ourselves.

The Parents We Needed

Lately the idea of "parents" has been popping up in the things I've been reading and listening to. I wonder if ultimately, many of the people we find in a way serve as The Parents We Needed. I wonder if we ourselves have to also become The Parents We Needed.

Eternal Joy

There exists an Eternal Joy that cannot be destroyed, that is always there with us. Sometimes we lose touch with it. Sometimes we forget about it. Sometimes situations cover up that Joy. But if we continue to unearth the hidden treasures of the world, the hidden treasures of others, and the hidden treasures within ourselves, we can touch upon the Joy again, the Joy that was hidden behind the clouds or the horizon.

Growing Alongside with Others

Every challenge that arises when we interact with others
Is an opportunity to grow alongside with them
Others help facilitate our own growth
We help facilitate the growth of others

Feeling Devalued

I'm someone who constantly tries to seek out value in others, and tries to see the best in others...
Perhaps that's why it hurts so much when I feel like others devalue me, or they don't find much value in me.

I know I have value... but it still hurts...

My Need For Appreciation

I recognize that I do have a need for appreciation for some of the things I do. I try my best to be considerate of the feelings of others, and find myself saddened when that goes unrecognized.

I guess I have to honor the things I do do for others... Being considerate is something I value in myself, and I must honor and appreciate that in myself.

Good Heart Pain?

What if there were good heart pain, like there is good massage pain? A kind of good pain that actually heals us. It's uncomfortable, but it's not so excruciating that we can't handle it. It's just right.

Sacred Space

When I'm with you
I'm taken to another place:
A place that is totally here
But not here...

Claiming The Flame

I want to claim the Flame
But I know it must breathe

My Litmus Test: Losing Laughter

When I'm able to laugh, I feel like I'm in a good frame of mind
If I suddenly can't laugh, and everything loses its humor...
Then, I'm likely in a bad place...

Tenderness

When I read the word "Tenderness" I think of multiple things. The first thing that comes to mind is a kind of loving-care, that is nurturing, open, and receptive to the feelings of others, reaching them on a deep level.

The other way I think of "Tenderness", it's a kind of open wound that we often experience after an experience that hurts us. It makes everything feel more immediate if we were to touch that tender spot.

In either case tenderness seems to involve an increased sensitivity. And I often wonder if they are both related to each other. To be a tender person, must we also allow access to the raw and tender heart?: to courageously keep it open, staying open to the immediacy of the experience.

Showing Gratitude towards our Mind, Heart, Body, and Soul?

I think I've been looking at acts of Self-Care all wrong. Instead of aggressively trying to cure ourselves of any pain we perceive, trying to rid ourselves of discomfort through different exercises, Perhaps I should be seeing acts of Self-Care as acts of Gratitude: Self-Care as a way of thanking what already exists, nourishing it, and being thankful for all the wonderful things my heart, mind, body, and spirit already do for me, especially those things that are sometimes taken for granted.

I recently came down with an intense cold, and without me having to think, the body took care of the virus, and helped me to feel better. The body is always in a constant state of healing itself and regenerating itself in the background, whether we acknowledge it or not (this probably applies to other parts of our being as well). Perhaps nourishment in the form of water, food, rest, and movement are ways of showing gratitude. And perhaps like in a marriage, it's in the best interest of the whole to show appreciation and fondness for the imperfect being we're connected to. Maybe there are some annoying things about the vessels we're connected to, but there are also wonderful things happening that often go unnoticed.

Perhaps meditation is also a type of nourishment, a way of showing gratitude toward our own being. Maybe it doesn't have to cure me of ailments I hope to be cured of. Perhaps it's a way of showing loving-acceptance for what is. It's a way of learning to treat ourselves kindly in all of our imperfection, while simultaneously recognizing the gifts we are given, and the gifts we have to give to others....

Gratitude within a framework of imperfection... Kindness through love and acceptance of what is...

The Other Side of My Laughter

There are times I laugh because I am sad... laughter is my surrender

What Film Photography Tells Me

Embrace imperfection and randomness, taking delight in the unexpected surprises
Continue to seek and find beautiful meaningful moments
Capture things worth remembering
Keep learning and learning and learning...

Who Do I Want To Be?

I want to be a person who continually finds beauty, especially in the hidden unseen places.
I want to be a person who can transmute energy for the sake of the whole.

These are my dreams...

The Simple Act of Enjoying and Engaging In

Too often I get so caught up in performing and measuring up to some standard that I lose the wonderful feeling of enjoyment from just doing. At times I'm even paralyzed to even engage in those things that I really love to do. Everything becomes a chore or an expectation, rather than simply enjoying the process and having fun engaging.

So often I forget to lighten up and enjoy the experience with childlike wonder and excitement... I hope I can start to remember, letting my spirit flow with the wind... *suddenly hears Ursula from The Little Mermaid... "Now sing! Keeeeep Singing!!!!!" :)

When the Ego is Weak

When the ego is weak, I think there's a tendency to try to build ourselves up. And when the ego is really weak, we're susceptible to trying to claim a kind of divine power when we try to de-humanize another, claiming they are less than us, and that we are allowed to treat them as less, and even resort to violence if we must. A defensive attitude often turns into an offensive one.

When one believes themselves to be superior, the reality is that there is a strong underlying inferiority or insecurity below... An inferiority projected out onto others.

Music that Makes My Heart Beat Strongly

There's music that makes me heart beat
With longing, with intensity, with remembrance
Your face appears to me as my soul is touched while listening
Reminding me of times you yourself have touched me so deeply

I patiently wait for the moon with longing sighs...

The Sensitive Heart

How does one nurture the most sensitive of hearts? The one with so much love to give, but is so weary because of past hurts... The one whose soul is bursting at the seams to love and to be loved, but can't find the means to do so... How do I honor such hearts?

I don't fully know the answers to these questions... But I certainly hope to find out how to skillfully and gracefully navigate these treasured waters...

Bend

For the most part I feel I'm fairly malleable. It's probably a good thing because I don't always have the strongest force of will. I'm often willing to go along with the wishes of others to a certain point. There is a certain point where I will resist as best as I can, protecting what I feel to be my core. But sometimes I fear I won't be able to resist, and that I'll develop a kink within, and break...

Though malleable, there are parts of my individuality I cannot deny. If I do, my spirit breaks...

What I Need to Learn from You

I need to learn to love more fully when I can, especially when I see it's needed or beneficial, especially when no one else will... I need to honor my need to love, my need for an outlet for the love I have within...

I need to learn to engage in my own gifts more fully, and realize their power and their benefit... I have to give myself more credit for things I do for others...

From you I continue to learn and be inspired... And I will try to do the same: to teach and to inspire

Endless Love

This endless love I am drawn to
It is warm
It is nurturing
It is supportive
It is life-giving
It is filling
It is boundless
It is raw
And it is tender

The threads that connect me to this vital source are delicate
The threads are to be cared for...
The threads are to be nurtured and tended to
With time and with nuance
With subtle strokes that brush away layers
Ever so gently, ever so softly:
My continual caresses finally reach her core
An Infinite beauty finally revealed in all of her glory:
Her light in full bloom...

Sparks

A passion and knowledge that puts me to shame
A wit and humor like a fun bouncy game
A spark in your eyes that fills me with glow
An energetic connection that allows me to flow:
When you light up, I light up.

Faith vs. Fear

I find this to be my constant struggle
With faith I know there is increased connection, increased intimacy
With fear I know there is increased isolation, increased loneliness
And when the stakes are larger, the struggle seems to be more apparent

Arrows

I feel arrows burrowed deep within me
At my core
What do I do with this bliss
With this suffering?
What lessons am I supposed to learn?

Validation From Another

Validation from another is like a helping hand when we've fallen on our bottom. It's a hand that aids us until we can finally stand on our own two feet to walk, to move forward. And if we're lucky, we can learn to walk hand-in-hand in sync with others, enjoying the unity of it all.

Fearless Expression

Something I wish I had more of, and continually strive toward is Fearless Expression. Apparently I still have a long way to go... To be completely unashamed and to be completely naked in what I feel.

I notice I get angry when I see people cutting off another, saying it's not okay to talk about heavy emotions. It's almost as if it's shameful to have negative emotions, when in reality we're all human, and we all experience both the positive and the negative. "Positive Thinking" can often be a lie, a mask hiding a darker more sinister secret that threatens to consume us, or threatens others via our projections.

I think it's better to own our dark so that we have less chance of projecting it upon others in aggressive ways.

January 15th

I awaken to a light I thought I'd never see again
A warmth and beauty that penetrates me to my core
I've been here before and I tremble
In awe
In fear
A whirlwind of forces beyond me takes over
I do my best to ride the wind without singeing my wings
And yet my demons chase me from below
Too high, I'll be turned to ash
Too low, I'll be consumed by the dark
I wish to fly high in a night sky filled with stars
Yet know I must continue to learn how to walk the Earth

Morning Light

You are the morning light that gently stirs me
Slowly waking me up to who I am
Your deft touch full of nuance and softness
This weary Soul can finally come out to play

New Moon

My already-closest-confidant
We've known each other for not-even-a-moon
You've shone your light upon the darkness in me
So that I can come to know and love the darkness within me
More fully...

To me your light is a love that can never be repaid
Only cherished and revered

Breaking Dawn

As darkness dissolves into morning light
The hungry lover in me cowers in fear
Seeing his own reflection in this alternate reality
This virile steed goes limp and impotent
He is not fully a man, but only part of one...

Cut to The Quick

"You should be more like such-and-such!"

I heard these words while watching a cartoon, but I've heard the words before in my own life. I probably have the worst interpretation of the words possible: "It's not okay to be Me. It's not okay to be who I am at this moment."

I realize that there are people who thrive on how things should and shouldn't be done, and they try to communicate such ideas to others (I have some of that in myself as well)... But I don't always know how to navigate that line-of-thinking with my own. I suppose seeing some of the parallels is one way.

I still have some sort of parental voice in my head telling me it's not okay to be who I am. And I have another part of me telling me to Own who I am.  They both look out for my interests, but listening to one hurts more than listening to the other...

Wrapped Up

Wrapped up in tangled twisted vines that nourish
Nourishing just enough for minimal body survival
Squeezing tight enough to muffle the soul’s voice
Marionette strings pulling and tugging toward a path
A path away from the heart's desire
An inability to negate or say “no”
The only hope is to continually struggle
Until sinewy muscle grows strong enough
To finally break free

Breathe

Inner-Gold locked away
Behind perfect numbered padlocks
Smash the door, destroy the gates
Before inner-flames grow too dim
Breathe once more
Let inner-light shine in all directions

Magma

Beneath flowery meadows
A force longingly lingers
Waiting for the chance to once more
Reclaim and re-create

The Eye

With you I feel a raging storm
And a great sense of calm...

Ego Strokes

If we pay attention to the ego strokes that really hit the bull's eye, that really hit the mark in us, I believe it's possible to get a better idea of who we wish to become, or who we already are but do not realize it yet. If we were able to own these parts while simultaneously letting go of them, trusting in some of our inherent "Is-ness", then I think we'd be walking on the path of growth.

Mourning Our Hidden Selves

I woke up early this morning after a dream (a dream I can't recall)... I started to reflect on what has transpired in recent days. I started to reflect on the vulnerable parts I had been shielding and hiding away from myself and from others.  There exists a special sacred space that I often hold for others, but never hold that same space for myself. It's a space of total vulnerability, love, and acceptance that I wish I could hold for myself but do not...

Someone offered me that special sacred space, and I slowly stepped in, allowing myself to talk about so many things in myself that I'm ashamed of, but can never fully access on a very conscious level. I hide those parts away and try to keep them hidden, but they linger underneath the surface. As I reflected upon all of these things I had been ashamed of in myself, and as I reflected upon the person who had so graciously allowed me, or facilitated the process of me stepping into the waters, I slowly began to tear up in one eye. I began thinking of how grateful I am, but then something else surfaced. Suddenly I started to cry more and more until a flood of tears came flowing over both sides of my face. I started to sob, mourning for all of those hidden parts I've been so ashamed of for so many years. Softly while sobbing I uttered the words, "Oh God" as if touching upon something divine. I'm not even a deeply religious person (in the typical sense), and yet I uttered these words. I could feel my face contorting and twisting as I continued to mourn.

All of these parts tucked away for so long, wishing to be loved and accepted, wishing to no longer feel ashamed, wishing for a sense of okayness... now exposed and naked in the presence of someone who strangely is just like me... I have been given the love I give to others, but can't give to myself... And I realize just how beautiful and valuable and powerful that kind of love is...  All of this time I've been offering that to others not fully realizing the value that exists in the act, not fully realizing the value that exists in me.

I have been touched by both beauty and sorrow at the same time, and now I suddenly realize why I love these things so much: It represents the space of Being.

TL;DR

You are a long passage
Whose entrance most pass over

For those who do take the time 

To read the words

To fully comprehend the meaning

They're rewarded with your riches

Your hidden treasures

Your Inner Gold

Shivering

Shaking and shivering
This ache fulfilled
A tear to my eye

Open Book

We are an open book whose pages can randomly end
I savor each page from top to bottom
I dance with the flow of the lines
Each moment, each letter: Joy

To read and to know the words is to know you
To read and to know the words is to know me
To share in the unfolding story 
Is to share a portion of the Path

The Words

Tell me the words my soul already knows
But my mind has yet to believe...

NFs: Naked Feelers

I want to lie naked with you in so many ways...
And each time I touch you...
I want you know your own beauty
I want you to know your own warmth, your own essence
I want you to know the wholeness that already exists within you
A wholeness that should be shared and shone out into the world
For all to bask and revel in...

Our Shadows Revealed

As we gaze upon the brightest light
Our darkest shadows are revealed
As we continue to worship the light of the sun
Can we continue to feel worthy?

Divinity placed upon others

So often we chase divinity, placing it upon others. We see gods and goddesses who we hope can fulfill us, and make us whole. We wish from them an eternal unconditional love that we cannot give to ourselves. We wish their being can deal with our demons we cannot beat on our own... We place the burden of gods onto mere mortals...

When utopia is broken our greatest potential is revealed. We're revealed fully in both light and dark, so in a strange way we achieve a kind of unstable temporary wholeness when more of ourselves are temporarily revealed... heaven, hell, earth...

Your Warmth

I'm but a planet caught in your pull
Am I even a planet at all???
I fear being too close, swallowed by your flames
I fear being too far, drifting alone into empty space
To stay in orbit to feel your presence?
Or to drift out-of-orbit and feel your absence?