Hope?

What if there really is wisdom in giving up hope like some buddhist teachings teach...  Giving up the idea of something that does not coincide with the present moment...

Lately I've been going through a rough patch I believe is linked to the idea of Hope and Grasping what isn't.  I've been feeling quite lonely in the romantic sense... missing the feeling of intimacy with someone special...  missing the high that overtakes us when deeply in love.  I miss feeling connected to someone in that way.

I have this terrible idea floating in my head...  "What if I've already experienced my most blissful days and moments?"  Seriously, what if those days are actually as good as it will ever get in my life...  Hitting a peak so soon, and to never be able to experience it again.

I feel lonely as hell right now.  I actually do feel it's wise to say "F#$(# It!", letting go of hope of what once was, and what will be.  The act of Wishing seems to be quite painful.  Deep down I'm still starving...  Starving for something that doesn't exist in this present moment.

Instead of hoping, maybe it is wiser to use my energy to more fully feel, rather than escape into fantasies that are way beyond this current reality.

True Openness, Where are you?  Is fear closing my eyes?

Sometimes I feel it's better to have never tasted...  That way I would never know what I'm missing...  That way I wouldn't hope for things that once were...