There is this mindset, one free of fear and self-consciousness.... one free of the concept of "success and failure"... that I keep trying to hone in on. It's one of engagement, exploration, play, and fulfillment of my own curiosity... And yet when I keep thinking of "authority figures", I can't help but fall back into a mindset based on fear, approval, and reassurance from others that I'm doing something "the right way." I know it's not really "the right way" but the way other's might want it to be done... Or maybe those others just preach that something "ought to be done" a certain way because it is what was instilled into them during the learning process. And behind the "ought to be done" a certain way there exists some kind of fear of punishment... rejection... something that feels threatening on a deep level.
Perhaps at its core... what I'm really hoping for is a mindset where I'm okay to both live and die... freedom from the fear and anxiety... The comfort that comes from a harmonious state of being... But then again, perhaps my own desire for comfort hinders the process of reaching the mindset itself... Hmmm...
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