Friday, May 10, 2013

Upon Awakening...

It's strange...  I wake up from an unexpected early evening nap...  It's still a little warm out and I feel not quite awake...  Yet the thought that keeps crossing my mind is Instinctually I know Love and the Soul are the most important things...  At least to me.

This is something I think I've know for a long time...  well, at least the part about loving...  Despite knowing this at my core, petty things like fear and anger so easily get in the way...

I have vague memories of some of my earliest caretakers, but I do remember feelings of comfort and warmth from my Nina, Estella.  She had a special way of being that could comfort my crying soul as a very young child...  And I'm thankful for that when I can actually remember.  Perhaps it's that enveloping feeling, the warmth and the nurturing I needed when I was so young, the warmth that was given to me in order to soothe me...  Maybe that's why I instinctually know that Love and the Soul are the most important things to me.  The feeling of safety in another's arms...

And I think of my dad's mom who took care of me before I can remember anything.  She's probably the epitome of warmth and love...  And despite me not remembering her on a conscious level as a physical caretaker...  I'm sure her physical presence very early in my life was vital to shaping my inner psyche at its core...  What I could remember was her kindness, generosity, and warmth and gentleness...

I've been so blessed to be in the company of such wonderful souls, and yet I find I'm not as generous as these people I admire so much...  These people I'm so very thankful for...  When warmth courses through me I am reminded of these people....  I'm reminded of what instinctually I know to be the right way...  I gently let out a sigh, continually hoping to be more like those who loved me so much...

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