Being moved...
A moment of soul connection?

The tide, the weather, the seasons, the landscape...
To Grasp is to blind oneself from truth...
With an open palm we are free to see...

Feeling the pain is the right thing to do...
Do not run...
For you pain is based on Love for another being...
Rejoice in the fact that you can Feel the Pain...

:(  Some food choices make me sick to my stomach and sad...
I feel like throwing up but I can't...
I feel like tearing up but I can't...
All I can do is sigh...

What if there was a Personified God...
And he made all the different types of religions...
Just to see how we would treat each other...

"Ha!  Fooled ya!  I just wanted to see if you guys would love each other regardless of labels!"

Tears

Tears reflect an opening within us...
Tears show our connection to something outside of us...
Tears also invite others to connect with us in our times of need...
Tears communicate something from within the soul...
Tears tell truths...

Loving Choices...

Loving choices in the moment to moment, the day to day seems to be about Listening...

Do we truly listen to the soul of another being?

Do we truly listen to our own soul?

It seems like there are many many opportunities To Love...

Disconnect

Distance from our Souls...
Those belonging to others...
Those belonging to ourselves...

Wielding a lightsaber of Moral Indignation...
Spurred on by Rage...
I Rebel...

May I use my Fire for purposes of Enlightenment...
The Voiceless...
The Helpless...
May I find strength and courage to fight injustice in my own way...

I pray that words I wield are listened to...

Blind Willingness...

Why are we so willing to contribute to the violent deaths of other beings?
Why can we so easily turn a blind eye towards the suffering of animals, a suffering that we contribute to with every meal we consume...

"It's Okay Mijo"

The other week just prior to Mother's Day I went out to eat with my family...  Our server addressed me as "mijo", and instantly I recalled someone who made me feel so loved as a young child.

I recall my Nina comforting me while I was crying, telling me "It's okay mijo" as she carried me in her arms, nurturing my crying soul.  I don't recall why I was crying, but I remember feeling so loved in that moment...  And enveloping warmth around me with my Nina's arms wrapped around me... massaging my back as I cried away the tears...

My memories of early childhood are vague, but there are certain individuals whose presence made me feel loved...  It's an energy of warmth...

My Nina and my Nino... the caretakers I remember most since they regularly babysat me...  I cry tears of appreciation and love when I visit their graves...

My Dad's Mom, my Granda Em...  She was my earliest babysitter before I can even remember...  I don't remember much, but I recall her very gentle spirit...  I remember more of her when I was older, and I was able to visit her in Chicago...  She was a natural rescuer of those in need, adopting stray dogs off the street, making them her own.  I recently found out that when she was in the Philippines she took in people who needed caring for...

My first kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Fisher...  A kind, encouraging, gentle soul...  I don't know what the occasion was, but I remember her giving me a great big hug.  In her presence I felt so comforted, so loved...

My first grade teacher, Miss Fesadent?  I can't recall the spelling... but I remember her being very kind as well...

I am thankful for the presence of these people... For their energy that they exuded...  For the warmth and kindness they shared with the shy little kid that was me.  Though my memories are very vague, I can very much recall the way these individuals made me feel...  Perhaps it's souls like these that make me always believe in humanity...  That within us, there is something greater...

They say that time heals all wounds...
Though now I'm inclined to say it's Love and Light...
Illuminating the dark spots within us with warmth, with truth...

They speak of dull grays that won't quite go away...
I believe it's the clouds that need to mourn...
The clouds protect us until we're ready to see that part of our world...

Thank you clouds...
Thank you sun...
And Thank you earth...

So dust starts to settle after the storm...
What happens when part of the sky that was once covered with dull clouds starts to reemerge?
Can I start to better fulfill more of The Core Value?
Will more light shine upon my being?

It's strange to feel so angry over such a fuzzy memory...
Fear, tears, a belt, confusion...
Being told to stop crying when I couldn't stop...
And if I didn't stop I would get more of the same...

I can feel a burning and seething within me...
I can feel pain around my chest, a gnarled tightening, subtly different than pain I've experienced before...
My inner dialogue is full of curse words and me imagining giving the middle finger...
I want to curse and scream how idiotic it all seems to me...

It seems to run parallel to a cause that affects me at my core...
Perhaps one day I'll finally learn how to speak up...
To learn to be unapologetic in my beliefs...

We harm those we don't need to harm because TRADITION DICTATES.
F the NORM!  F YOU!

I can never cry enough tears...

The Illusion of Separateness...
I can easily be You...
And you can easily be Me...

Our Inner Light dims...
When we close our eyes...
When we close our hearts...

A willingness to delve into anger as needed...
With the faith that love will protect me from being consumed...

What if this is the next step?

I feel energy in my belly that I haven't noticed before.  Usually the energy I feel is around my chest.
I've also started remembering things I've chosen to forget...  things I've buried long ago...
Perhaps it's the uncovering of these memories that are bringing up these feelings in my belly...
It'll be interesting to explore...

Shy...

I was always shy since I was a very young child...
I never fought back verbally or physically...
I still remember being embarrassed in preschool...
Humiliated in front of the class for making a mistake.
I didn't understand what I was supposed to do...  I just remember the teacher showing everyone my        work, and all the kids laughing.
I remember wetting my pants in preschool and being changed in front of everyone...
I'd malinger, fake coughing because I didn't want to attend preschool...
From the get go I never liked school...

I recall being spanked and being fearful of my mother...
I recall my grandmother pulling my ear and hitting me across the shoulders...

I never fought back physically or verbally...
I just took it...
I became fearful of making mistakes...
And I'm sure I have hidden buried anger deep within...

I wonder if my vegetarianism is a reflection of my childhood growing up...
The shy kid without a voice...
The kid who never fought back...

I wonder if subconsciously, I relate to the animals who have no one to defend them...
Voiceless...
Unable to fight back...

Is my hidden anger related to my vegetarianism?
Do I feel for them, because within the animals being harmed, I see me?

Lately I've been baby-sitting my grandmother...  When she's scared she'll aggressively ask me to turn on the lights, and set the alarm...  She'll aggressively poke at me, digging her finger into me the way one would put out a cigar.

I can feel myself getting irritated.  I want to say stop poking me, but I don't.  I hold it in.  I know she's scared...  And when I feel anger I start to feel guilt...  I feel horrible for feeling such things towards my elder who I'm supposed to respect...  and I know she's just acting out of fear.  I don't know how to reconcile these feelings...  I know I'm supposed to be loving and understanding...  but it's difficult for me to feel these things genuinely...

My voice is still very much muted...  When I'm angry I'm louder...
Can't I just unmute, and speak in a calm, even, loving manner?

And when trying to speak up for animals...  I still haven't reconciled how to properly do that either...

I hope to figure these things out...

Visitor...

It's odd...  I'm experiencing a part of me I haven't felt in a while...
The intense, almost seething, more animalistic part of me...
I feel a slight furrow in my brow...  Passion bubbling up to the surface...
Fire coursing through my veins...
A quiet intensity that I used to know...
I'm unsure of this visitor...
Are you friend or are you foe?
I can't seem to soften my gaze...
You are powerful...  You're a fighter...
Why have you come to visit?

Reminders...

The deep sighs...
The warmth that fills the heart...
These remind me of what I believe to be the most valuable, the most important thing...

Today I am thankful for these beautiful reminders...
I'm so very prone to forgetting, so it's nice to be gently awaken...
In a way that feels so wonderful...

The Feeler's Way?

To frame from a perspective of Love,
Not from a perspective of Justice...
That, I believe is the Feeler's Way.

Sorrow, a deep form of love, serves as a catalyst for connection for the Feeler...
Anger, a ball of energy, sparks a Thinker into action, seeking justice and fairness...

But too much Anger in the Feeler consumes and burns oneself...
If there's to be Anger, it should not dominate the Feeler's landscape...
A foundation of Love is the better way...

We all exist within ourselves, so we must walk with our own two feet...
But we all have hands that can help, and be helped...

Is it okay to demand something from another...
That we can't even give to ourselves?

At what point do we let go, and say...
It's Okay...

Can we own another being's flesh?
If we pay for it, is it ours?

Feeling totally moved...

Moved by the beauty that exists in people...  People reaching out and helping other people...  A feeling of warmth and love courses through my body...  My compass is telling me Truth.

Upon Awakening...

It's strange...  I wake up from an unexpected early evening nap...  It's still a little warm out and I feel not quite awake...  Yet the thought that keeps crossing my mind is Instinctually I know Love and the Soul are the most important things...  At least to me.

This is something I think I've know for a long time...  well, at least the part about loving...  Despite knowing this at my core, petty things like fear and anger so easily get in the way...

I have vague memories of some of my earliest caretakers, but I do remember feelings of comfort and warmth from my Nina, Estella.  She had a special way of being that could comfort my crying soul as a very young child...  And I'm thankful for that when I can actually remember.  Perhaps it's that enveloping feeling, the warmth and the nurturing I needed when I was so young, the warmth that was given to me in order to soothe me...  Maybe that's why I instinctually know that Love and the Soul are the most important things to me.  The feeling of safety in another's arms...

And I think of my dad's mom who took care of me before I can remember anything.  She's probably the epitome of warmth and love...  And despite me not remembering her on a conscious level as a physical caretaker...  I'm sure her physical presence very early in my life was vital to shaping my inner psyche at its core...  What I could remember was her kindness, generosity, and warmth and gentleness...

I've been so blessed to be in the company of such wonderful souls, and yet I find I'm not as generous as these people I admire so much...  These people I'm so very thankful for...  When warmth courses through me I am reminded of these people....  I'm reminded of what instinctually I know to be the right way...  I gently let out a sigh, continually hoping to be more like those who loved me so much...

My Own Ignorance...

Open eyes in certain areas Does not make me impervious to Ignorance in other areas...
By focusing in one direction we often lose focus, we lose sight of another area...

Perhaps that's part of the value of connecting...
We can help be each other's eyes for our blind spots...

Monsters

If we ourselves demonize others...
If we make monsters out of them...
Do we ourselves become the real monsters?

Beauty

Such a beautiful soul...



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfRgIahFgeY

Terrible ouchies in my chest right now resulting in quickly written emo song...

Evolution of the Soul?

What if there really was evolution of the soul, and the higher we climb, the thinner the air, the less company we have...

What's the better approach for myself...
Learning a new habit?
Defeating the notion, the illusion of habit?

Love of Flesh...
Or Love of Beings?