Our Blip in History

So often we want to give evidence to our existence... to our brief time of physical existence on this plane... to leave some kind of legacy related to our experience... An act of procreation, leaving behind our genetic traces... An act of creation, leaving behind works that reflect our own experience of material existence. We try to document our lives in the form of photographs, writing, videos... Our Stories. Perhaps we are all trying to contribute to this vast pool of information that ultimately continues to influence and shape an ever evolving mass... If that's the case, ultimately I wonder where it is we're trying to go.

Harmony in Composition?

When looking at or experiencing harmony in composition, whether it's in the form of imagery or music, there's a feeling of settledness... a kind of energy satisfied that reveals itself when disparate parts seemingly work well together. I believe this reflects my underlying conceptualization, my underlying desire for taking what seems separate and different, and somehow making it work together as a whole... a kind of balanced coexistence, each part playing a role...

Hunger

Hunger is an interesting force... It can help to drive us in a direction we're focused on, moving toward whatever it is we seek, even energizing us to go toward that direction... At the same time hunger can also consume us like ulcers hidden away but felt... All that we wish for... All that we desire... when latched onto can eat away at us and cause pain and suffering... Pleasure and Pain... Pain and Pleasure... Swinging too far in either direction often brings us close to death... Sometimes actual physical death... Sometimes mental death... reawakening...

Brain Plasticity as an Inner and Outer Phenomenon?

Based on a few readings about brain plasticity, it seems that every action we take from moment-to-moment creates changes in the brain. So it seems wise to try to be aware of the grooves we are carving, because it ultimately affects our own brain's wiring. A lot of our responses also depend on the actions of others... there's an interaction involved. So perhaps brain plasticity is both inner and outer, as we influence each other through our interactions. I think about my own ideals and beliefs... How I believe one of the fundamental challenges of being a Human Being is the idea of coexistence... and often what we define as "good" or "evil" relates to ways in which we go about coexisting, related to our own wants, needs, desires, preferences, and likes/dislikes. My own idealism wishes for equal consideration and respect, so it would be my own desire to try to find ways of cultivating that (while also acknowledging the ways I do not give equal consideration and respect... and why I might withhold.. what is it that I want from a situation) Perhaps both the inner and outer are like a garden to be nurtured, cultivated... Perhaps we are like trees... part of us rooted, yet another part of us with branches that change in response to ever-changing environments...

Married to One's Identity or Consciousness...

For better or for worse... In sickness and in health... lol So often I feel like I'm a poor partner to myself... of accepting my patterns, my tendencies... "If only I were more like this, or like that! I'd be happier!" So much of what I do I believe to be harmful to others... and yet I stay true to course... For better or for worse... Probably more For Worse. lol... But then I also have moments where I think staying true really is of benefit... Perhaps my marriage to myself can't be perfect... it can't remain static or stable... Rather, it's full of "adventure".

Is there Value to My Inner-Crazy, My Dark, My Unstable Parts?

One thing I often find I can rely on in myself is an ever-changing internal landscape... Basically, I can be really moody. lol. There are times the sun is suddenly covered by dark clouds... The lightness of being, the laughter, the joy suddenly becomes hidden. And my general response to things changes... I'm more likely to feel irritated and agitated over random things... And while it seems like a part of me is away on vacation, another part of me makes its presence known. A lot of times when the laughter disappears, I don't know what to do. Am I supposed to be learning something? I often think I'm supposed to be learning something... like I'm attributing significance to my experience... maybe as a way of coping. But what if I'm not supposed to try to cope, but somehow surrender? I wind up at the place I often wind up... wanting to know if there is a point or purpose... wanting to believe there is... and yet feeling like I can't fully know.

Being Human is Being Somewhere In Between?

Perhaps being human entails being somewhere in between. No matter how much we try to define ourselves in one way, part of us still exists in another. Our brains, while highly adaptable in one section, still contain more instinctual and primal parts. And even when we try to remain undefined and open in some areas, there likely exists parts of us more set in stone. Areas where we might be highly conscious can lead to areas highly overlooked. And while we are very creative and can find ways of dealing with nature and instincts, a lot of what might seem to be beyond instinct might actually be very honed instinct.