The Ultimate Feeling For Me: Connection

So far in my experience, the ultimate feeling I have experienced is the feeling of connection... A feeling of connection that feels like it's of me, and also beyond me at the same time... There's a feeling of energy that envelopes and fills in all the crevices... There is joy... There is warmth... There is gratitude... There is love... And somehow honoring the feeling of connection itself, often intensifies those same feelings.

Roles We Play

We all play roles in this ongoing story we call life... So much of the role we play is based on the physical body and mind we occupy. Each physical body comes complete with inherent assumptions. We seek to validate our existence and our roles by looking to others, trying to see sameness; And yet at the same time we seek individual expression, attempting to free ourselves from sameness.

Past historical story lines create assumptions that are difficult to shake. Our psyches connect to commonly shared thought, or we connect to patterns that seemingly repeat over and over... How do minds and hearts change? Is there a purpose to the polarities that seem to be created from our tendency to both identify with and differentiate ourselves from others? Does each role play an important part of the bigger picture? And so often, no one wants to be The Bad Guy in the story, so we'll paint all others as the villain... So often we justify our actions based on a perceived storyline... Are there really bad guys and good guys? Is "bad" and "good" really so clear, distinct and separate from each other?

The Rug

The rug has been lifted
And thrown away
The demons of night
Now seen in day

The Standard We are Not

To hold ourselves to a standard that we are not, a standard we might never possibly attain= ultimate self-violence

I'm all for growth can working towards a more idealized vision of self... but how do we know what that vision of idealized self really is??? How can we tell what is truly attainable??? How does one know what is an authentic version of self? At what point in the path does it become more destructive than creative, when working toward an ideal or vision? I have no clue... I just know that the road of "self-improvement" can actually turn violent and aggressive toward ourselves (and toward others)... Perhaps it depends on How The Road is traveled... With what energy and intention... Perhaps there's the possibility of growth without grasping...

And how can I know when I am running away versus running toward???