Drifting Dreaming

Drifting and Dreaming
In a land full of what "Is"
I wonder who is really awake

Gifts Differing

I've been obsessed with typology, especially MBTI for the past couple of years.  I've read many books, and many articles online.  I'm finally reading the book written by the creator...

The creator, the same type as I am, never gave up in trying to get her tool created and out there for the benefit of others.  It seems she ran into much opposition from the academic community, and despite the cool, if not hostile opposition, she didn't give up.

She saw the suffering and tragedies of World War II, and hoped to develop something that would at least help avoid or decrease conflicts, thus potentially decreasing suffering in the world.  To her, what she was doing was too important.  Deeply motivated, she kept going.

This is a lesson I must learn from her.  Lately, I feel I'm on the brink of giving up on something I've found to be important for many years now.  My motivation is similar, in that I wish to decrease human suffering.  But I'm deeply frustrated, when the most intelligent of people, fail to hear.

I have to find my resolve over and over again, remembering what it is I'm trying to do...  I must learn to be more like Isabel...  to be more like me...

Thinking the Other Guy IS The Bad Guy

The problem with thinking the other guy is the bad guy...
We tend to justify our own evil actions, saying we're on the side of what is right...
The cycle of blame continues the blind game...
A Bad Guy is someone worthy of being treated as less than in our eyes...
We act how the bad guy would act, but label our actions with different names....

The Dark Dog

Dark dog I thought you went away
I toss my stick, but you come back random days
Dark dog I try to teach you lessons
I put on smiles, but you come back with a vengeance

Dark dog why can't we be friends
I guess I'm scared, and wish it'd somehow all end
Dark dog help dig me out
Dark dog, please show me
What it's all about

The Plunge

They plunge right into their suffering...
Never knowing if they're drowning
Or if they're learning to swim
Do they need a lifeguard?
Or do they become the lifeguard?
With secret dreams of free diving the depths
They plunge

Chasing the Hidden and Photography

Part of my photographic journey involved trying to find beauty everywhere, beyond what was obvious to my eyes.  But now for the sake of balance, I also want to see the ugly, where it's not so obvious...

Perhaps it's the hidden itself that I'm after...  Whether comfortable or uncomfortable places...  To see and to reveal what I fail to see, or what I don't want to see...  The things that attract...  The things that repel...  The opposites that have the power to take over our inner being, creating altered states where we're almost forced to surrender, because it's a power that bends our conscious will...

To access, to touch, to reveal the hidden powerful forces below...  That which totally grabs us, potentially possessing us...  The intangible that feels beyond tangible once plugged into it...

Contact

I whisper in my dreams how I feel
But I guess I talk in my sleep
And I dance the night away...

Lost in space with you in my arms
A gentle forehead lean
I feel hearts racing

A kiss, but not a kiss
A moment, but more than a moment
Completely present, but not present
Completely me, but no longer just

Hidden Self-Aggression

Hidden self-aggression is something I must still explore.  During times of major hurt, I find I have a tendency to think I'm broken, that I need to be fixed.  I find I am punishing towards myself.  I begin to expose major self-loathing that exists within me.  Feelings of "not being enough" rise to the surface.  At my self-aggression's peak, I wish to not exist, thinking the world would be better off without me.

I'm still unsure how to achieve gentleness with myself.  I've seen some clues in a meditation practice of following the outbreath, and gently coming back when going off course.  But I'm unsure how to apply that to my daily living.  Can I really gently come back, without aggression towards myself?  I struggle with self-punishment, yet I also know I'm at my best when I'm gentle with myself.  The irony is that self-punishment is an attempt to "bring out the best" in myself.

How can I remember that the best appears when involved in a gentle process?  Do I need continuous faith?  Do I need to drop self-concern?  Do I need to let go and trust in something more?