False Nihilism?

If one is truly nihilistic, then why does fear even exist if everything is supposedly meaningless.  If everything is meaningless, then all actions wouldn’t really matter.  The truth is probaby that we put too much meaning into something, and it paralyzes us.  Then we tell ourselves that there is no meaning.  If we truly believed there was no meaning at all, then we would be free to act without any type of fear.  We would have true freedom.  No meaning would mean there is absolutely nothing to lose.  Instead we’re attached to something we’re trying to protect.  It’s often the ego we’re trying to protect.

Breeze

Let me be alone in the breeze
So I can attempt to feel my spirit
The one diffused by the pain of losing
Torn apart by time’s inevitable fate.
To be alone in the wind
As if once again
Being touched
The way I once was…

Remembering Our Sacred Space

Assuming we've found or touched our personal sacred spaces, it seems odd that it's often so easy to forget that which brings us into communion with the more...  At times the sublime is found in art, music, film, poetry...  Sometimes we can find it in religion... Others can find it in nature...  We can find it when connecting deeply with others...

Although this other world seems to exist all around, and is accessible to all...  It seems so easy to lose our way...  To the point where we feel empty, since out Inner Sanctum is no longer filled with the nourishment it truly needs...  So what does it take to remember?  How do we stay in touch with that joyful space?

I don't know the answers to the questions...  All I know is that I too easily lose touch...  And losing touch is one of the worst experiences, creating disconnect, loneliness, and a sense of meaninglessness... How do we cultivate what at times seems so elusive?

The Roles We Play

There are some roles that seem to find us, and we can't escape.  For me, it's been the role of an advocate.  I'm constantly in search of other roles, but perhaps I should look into further fine tuning what it means to be an advocate, at least through my own eyes.

So far I know there's an advocate within me, as well as a person who needs to find outlets/means of expression.  I must keep exploring and fine tuning...  finding the inner energies within...  and perhaps finding the fates I cannot escape...

Telling Our Stories

Why is it so difficult to fully express what is sometimes heavy, or what is sometimes partially hidden,
in a way that fully captures the essence of our story?

Is fear a factor? Going places we dare not tread?  Some stories are difficult to face or admit... Is there a fear of failing to capture what is desired?  Or is a lack of skill a real concern?  Can we be so caught up living the story, we lack the ability to step back in order to see, so that we may more fully express the essence of our stories?

Sometimes it feels like the heart wants to sing, but it can't for whatever reason...

Approaching the time of commitment

Tomorrow will mark the 14th year...  The day that hit me and changed my ways...  I was tired of seeing what I viewed as unnecessary suffering.  Perhaps all suffering is necessary in a karmic sense.  I do not know.  But I despised the suffering in family members I saw during this time 14 years ago.  And a cascade of events led me to see more suffering in family members...  People dying of what's preventable.

I used to care more.  I used to want to make a difference in the lives of those around me.  Now I'm not so sure I care as much.

This January I was reminded of the importance of the crusade I was on.  I saw glimpses of the fight in me.  But then I got tired and frustrated.

One thing I've learned over the years is that I cannot deny my connection to people.  I have to have faith in people or else I suffer greatly.  I have to believe in the possibility of positive change.  If I lose that I wither, my spirit shrinks.

I have to remember that during the fight I have indeed helped a few.  Maybe I haven't helped the masses, but for the select few, my crusade has been of benefit.

I'm at a crossroads, questioning if it's all worth it.  The dark side of me is starting to show.  I teeter back and forth.  Hopefully I choose what's for the best.

"I Refuse To Give In."

There's a power to those words.  There's something about pushing against the expectations of others that leads to a kind of stubborn power from within, especially when it involves something I feel isn't right.

I refuse to give in.  I will not give in.  The resistance creates power, or at least in unveils hidden power. I can feel the fires within, an energy surge.

I often seek sources of energy and motivation.  Of all I've known, pushing against others seems to offer up the most, especially when the root is from a place of love.  When I believe there's a better way, and I refuse to give in, something within me is awakened...  A kind of warrior spirit...

I frequently lose touch with that person inside.  But now, perhaps knowing what feeds it, I can tap into more easily.  Hopefully I can use it for the benefit of myself, and for the benefit of the whole...