Remembering My First Blog Entry

My very first blog entry when I started this blog was about being open... about being courageous... being expansive...

For me it feels so easy to forget... it feels easy to harden...
It feels easy to sleep...

What Exactly is Validation?

Sometimes I wonder what validation really is... Does it mean, "Hey, you're doing a good job fulfilling that role"? Does it mean, "You're doing a good job conforming to expectations"?

Does validation affirm? Does it control? Does it make direction clearer? What the heck is it for?

Sucked In

Coexisting Attraction and Repulsion
Creating a spiraling vortex
Drawing in and Spitting out
Over and over again
Racing along contours of infinity...

The Tendency of Like and Dislike

There's a tendency to like people who like us... to value people who value us. There's also a tendency to devalue those who seem to devalue us...

Is there a way to break out of these tendencies?

Do Ego Strokes Change Over Time?

When I was growing up as a kid, it seemed like achievement was my method of gaining ego strokes. I was praised for getting good grades and "for being smart."

Ultimately achievement felt like it lost its luster (luster that was never really there to begin with)...

I think what strokes my ego now are Acts of Inspiration: If another can somehow find inspiration in something I do, then somehow that makes me feel good. I also like to be inspired by others, wishing to be more like them... (wanting to be like those who inspire)

As we blossom, I wonder what forms the basis of our ego stroke spots... And how do we continually find the sources of feel good and fulfillment?

Untenable States of Being

So often I feel like much of my consciousness revolves around trying to cope with what feel like untenable states of being: trying to find ways to resolve the tension within... often turning to writing, music, and spirituality... Hoping to reach the unreachable aches within...

Beyond Self-Worth

Beyond notions of self-worth, of self-love, of self-acceptance
There is Being and Not Being:
Nothing to approve of, or disapprove of
Nothing to accept, or to reject

Candle in the dark

Be still
Burn within the darkness
While uncomfortable,
Running may intensify the flame, making it burn brighter
Or it may unintentionally put it out
So be still
Burn within the darkness
Burn so that the light may be shared
Burn so that the light may be passed on to others

The Wind Takes Me

And the wind takes me
I know not where
My greatest hopes
Involve a heart
strong enough to bear

I float on this breeze of unexpected expectancy
Where I travel, the fates decide
The heavens above
The earth below
And everything in between

Sweet Sorrow

In wonderful sweet sorrow
This pain I feel
I know it's because I have loved...

Tragedy To Me...

The artist who slumbers
Vaulting away the most luminescent of light
That which can pierce into souls
Tapping into wellsprings from which spirits can be uplifted
Quenching the driest of dulled parched lips
Restoring, renewing life itself...

When We Feel the Most Uncomfortable of Emotions

When the most uncomfortable, painful emotions hit us... Sometimes there's an added feeling of guilt for having such feelings, which only adds to our pain: It's as if there's some authority figure telling us it's not okay to feel as we do.

I believe we're pulled towards fulfillment... The feelings themselves are often already painful enough to drive us toward fulfillment if we're able to discern what our needs are. I don't think an extra added whip is necessarily.... Though compassion for our pain, or for our situation, may be useful. And if we feel isolated, remembering others, and having compassion for their suffering can help us feel more plugged in.