When the Ego is Weak

When the ego is weak, I think there's a tendency to try to build ourselves up. And when the ego is really weak, we're susceptible to trying to claim a kind of divine power when we try to de-humanize another, claiming they are less than us, and that we are allowed to treat them as less, and even resort to violence if we must. A defensive attitude often turns into an offensive one.

When one believes themselves to be superior, the reality is that there is a strong underlying inferiority or insecurity below... An inferiority projected out onto others.

Music that Makes My Heart Beat Strongly

There's music that makes me heart beat
With longing, with intensity, with remembrance
Your face appears to me as my soul is touched while listening
Reminding me of times you yourself have touched me so deeply

I patiently wait for the moon with longing sighs...

The Sensitive Heart

How does one nurture the most sensitive of hearts? The one with so much love to give, but is so weary because of past hurts... The one whose soul is bursting at the seams to love and to be loved, but can't find the means to do so... How do I honor such hearts?

I don't fully know the answers to these questions... But I certainly hope to find out how to skillfully and gracefully navigate these treasured waters...

Bend

For the most part I feel I'm fairly malleable. It's probably a good thing because I don't always have the strongest force of will. I'm often willing to go along with the wishes of others to a certain point. There is a certain point where I will resist as best as I can, protecting what I feel to be my core. But sometimes I fear I won't be able to resist, and that I'll develop a kink within, and break...

Though malleable, there are parts of my individuality I cannot deny. If I do, my spirit breaks...

What I Need to Learn from You

I need to learn to love more fully when I can, especially when I see it's needed or beneficial, especially when no one else will... I need to honor my need to love, my need for an outlet for the love I have within...

I need to learn to engage in my own gifts more fully, and realize their power and their benefit... I have to give myself more credit for things I do for others...

From you I continue to learn and be inspired... And I will try to do the same: to teach and to inspire

Endless Love

This endless love I am drawn to
It is warm
It is nurturing
It is supportive
It is life-giving
It is filling
It is boundless
It is raw
And it is tender

The threads that connect me to this vital source are delicate
The threads are to be cared for...
The threads are to be nurtured and tended to
With time and with nuance
With subtle strokes that brush away layers
Ever so gently, ever so softly:
My continual caresses finally reach her core
An Infinite beauty finally revealed in all of her glory:
Her light in full bloom...

Sparks

A passion and knowledge that puts me to shame
A wit and humor like a fun bouncy game
A spark in your eyes that fills me with glow
An energetic connection that allows me to flow:
When you light up, I light up.

Faith vs. Fear

I find this to be my constant struggle
With faith I know there is increased connection, increased intimacy
With fear I know there is increased isolation, increased loneliness
And when the stakes are larger, the struggle seems to be more apparent

Arrows

I feel arrows burrowed deep within me
At my core
What do I do with this bliss
With this suffering?
What lessons am I supposed to learn?

Validation From Another

Validation from another is like a helping hand when we've fallen on our bottom. It's a hand that aids us until we can finally stand on our own two feet to walk, to move forward. And if we're lucky, we can learn to walk hand-in-hand in sync with others, enjoying the unity of it all.

Fearless Expression

Something I wish I had more of, and continually strive toward is Fearless Expression. Apparently I still have a long way to go... To be completely unashamed and to be completely naked in what I feel.

I notice I get angry when I see people cutting off another, saying it's not okay to talk about heavy emotions. It's almost as if it's shameful to have negative emotions, when in reality we're all human, and we all experience both the positive and the negative. "Positive Thinking" can often be a lie, a mask hiding a darker more sinister secret that threatens to consume us, or threatens others via our projections.

I think it's better to own our dark so that we have less chance of projecting it upon others in aggressive ways.

January 15th

I awaken to a light I thought I'd never see again
A warmth and beauty that penetrates me to my core
I've been here before and I tremble
In awe
In fear
A whirlwind of forces beyond me takes over
I do my best to ride the wind without singeing my wings
And yet my demons chase me from below
Too high, I'll be turned to ash
Too low, I'll be consumed by the dark
I wish to fly high in a night sky filled with stars
Yet know I must continue to learn how to walk the Earth

Morning Light

You are the morning light that gently stirs me
Slowly waking me up to who I am
Your deft touch full of nuance and softness
This weary Soul can finally come out to play

New Moon

My already-closest-confidant
We've known each other for not-even-a-moon
You've shone your light upon the darkness in me
So that I can come to know and love the darkness within me
More fully...

To me your light is a love that can never be repaid
Only cherished and revered

Breaking Dawn

As darkness dissolves into morning light
The hungry lover in me cowers in fear
Seeing his own reflection in this alternate reality
This virile steed goes limp and impotent
He is not fully a man, but only part of one...

Cut to The Quick

"You should be more like such-and-such!"

I heard these words while watching a cartoon, but I've heard the words before in my own life. I probably have the worst interpretation of the words possible: "It's not okay to be Me. It's not okay to be who I am at this moment."

I realize that there are people who thrive on how things should and shouldn't be done, and they try to communicate such ideas to others (I have some of that in myself as well)... But I don't always know how to navigate that line-of-thinking with my own. I suppose seeing some of the parallels is one way.

I still have some sort of parental voice in my head telling me it's not okay to be who I am. And I have another part of me telling me to Own who I am.  They both look out for my interests, but listening to one hurts more than listening to the other...